Tribute: This One’s for Chris

I remember how I felt when Michael Jackson died on June 25, 2009. It wasn’t much different when Whitney Houston left this earth on February 11, 2012. Even though I am just a fan of theirs and grew up with their music like so many of us, it hurt my heart to find out not only that they each died at a relatively young age, but also the circumstances of their deaths. On the day after MJ’s passing, I reached out to many friends I haven’t heard from in years. And one might think that I would do the same with Whitney’s death– start to reach out to people who I haven’t talked to in a while and just reconnect. I often go through my phone and call folks during New Years week, but I was caught up in my book release to-do list and didn’t get to everyone.

 

If Only…

For some reason, although it crossed my mind to call my friend Chris, who was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in June 2011–or hit him up on Facebook– I didn’t. But oh how I wish I did.

 

The Struggle and The Triumph of Black Girls and Black Women in America

So often we are faced with the question of images regarding African Americans in the media, Black women in particular. I know it has become a big concern of mine not only as it pertains to the world view of Black women (and men), but more so how my daughter and other Black girls are affected by the images they see.

Some take the position that Black women should not be held to a higher standard than White women. That white women argue, shout, fight and act a fool. That other women are allowed to be sexual, fun and free, so why can’t Black women?

I actually don’t disagree with those arguments. My concern is this; for every image we see of white women fighting, screaming or carrying on, there are at least ten images that portray them as thoughtful, intelligent and drama free. For every image of White women shaking and showing their stuff, there are a multitude of images that show dignity, grace and often times an even pristine-like character. Essentially, there is a balance. Unfortunately, I don’t think we can say the same about Black women in media. In fact, I would say for every so called “positive” image we might see of Black women, we might see 8 images that might be considered “negative”.

Fortunately, we do have the option to choose.

A few weeks ago I watched as Octavia Butler won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her role in The Help. A character that showed dignity, fortitude and courage during a time when collectively we had less. Weeks later I saw the beneficiaries of women like those portrayed in that film.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to see a screening of a documentary entitled, For Our Daughters. It is a 2 1/2-hour film that is unapologetic-ally made for Black girls and women. It is a collection of interviews with an assortment of Black women and girls, who share invaluable truths of growing up Black and Female in an often-times racist and sexist society. It is a refreshing educational tool for Black girls and an inspirational one for Black women.

Black women, we need to support this film, particularly if you have a Black girl or a young woman in your life or if you have the desire to see a broader representation of us.

The For Our Daughters documentary is available for $19.95. By ordering through this link*, $5 will be donated to The National Council of Negro Women… the house that Mary McLeod Bethune and Dorothy Height built.

For more information, contact: info (at) 4ourdaughters [DOT] com

*affiliate link

 

Winners of the “What’s Wrong With Me?” Book Giveaway!

I’m just “coming down” from my book launch weekend in which I had two book signings in Atlanta. As mentioned last week on the eve of my debut book release, I ran a giveaway that includes a choice of my books and DARE Challenge gear. Congratulations to all five of my winners:

Anj
Tami
Chelsa
Anamaria
Andreanna

I have emailed each of these ladies with instructions, but for whomever does not claim their prize within 48 hours, their prize will be forfeited to the next runner-up. Thanks so much for participating!

 

The Wait is Over: “What’s Wrong With Me?” Book Release!

The wait is over! I am officially an author–two times over!

As I mentioned 2 weeks ago, today is the day of my dual book launch! While people are celebrating Valentine’s Day or going about their business, I am happy, excited, ecstatic and proud to revel in this accomplishment. If you haven’t already, please do browse my one-month-old re-launched website, check out my upcoming appearances, read unbiased reviews of my book, and participate in the special giveaway going on all week!

 

“What’s Wrong With Me?” Book Launch and Giveaway Starts Tomorrow!

I’m excited to announce my What’s Wrong With Me? book giveaway to celebrate my dual book release tomorrow! There’s 5 ways to enter, and 5 winners!

Giveaway Details

This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only. Prizes include:

- One (1) autographed copy of What’s Wrong With Me?: A Girl’s Book of Lessons Learned, Inspiration and Advice (print and all ebook formats available)
- One (1) autographed copy of the What’s Wrong With Me? Reflections Journal (print only)
- One (1) “I D.A.R.E. You”  multi-colored women’s baby tee on white (L or XL)
- One (1) “I D.A.R.E. You” messenger bag (gold on white)

 

I’m Having Twins!

I’ve been waiting for February 2012 for a long time, and now it’s here.

For over 2 years, I’ve mentioned my book project to people and many of them referred to it as my baby, as in, “Your book is your baby!” So using that metaphor, after having been pregnant for a loooong time I can announce that this month, I’m having twins!

 

 

Getting to the Next Level? I Don’t Need It

I love Tyler Perry’s new video on his Facebook page about how to be successful. In essence, he talks about

Photo Credit: Christian Beirle Gonzalez

focusing on one thing at a time and believing in it, and seeing it through. He uses the metaphor of planting a seed, saying that you can’t spray water across the field and expect much of it to get to the one seed you planted. But if you continually plant and water in the right area, God will give the increase. I love it!

This is why I don’t get excited when people give me their (often unsolicited) advice for what I should do as a new author. I’ve heard that I should now:

- start a nonprofit
- team up with a local “megachurch”
- do a book tour all over the country
- get a show on blogtalkradio

I should do all of this to get to “the next level”? Now?

 

We Have Been Cleared for Takeoff!: D.A.R.E.E. Website Relaunch

I’m so excited to finally unveil announce the relaunch of the all-new DareeAllen.com!

It’s been a really close call, as I’m 30 days from my “dual” book release date. Along the way, I’ve been with not 1, not 2, but 4 different web developers in the past 3 months (!!) trying to get my site updated. I almost liken it to the dreaded “dating game.”

The Blind Date

Any adult who’s ever been single can probably relate: you take the time to learn someone’s likes, dislikes, personality and nuances. You talk at length about what you don’t want from a relationship, from them, or both (and that’s not a typo–everyone doesn’t know what they actually want). You decide whether you and that person are a good fit, and whether you consider them marriage material (if you’re serious).

Now imagine sharing your vision, writing instructions, explaining your wants and needs, shelling out hundreds of dollars (sometimes up front), transferring umpteen files, and making phone calls and sending emails that often go unreturned/replied to…. only to get repeated slow or “no show” performance, and quitters. The worst part is when it’s a referral, because someone vetted that person for you (like a blind date).

You trusted someone’s (professional) opinion and recommendation (e.g., “Oh, I know someone who does that!” or “I’ve got the person for you”), and you want to believe they’re on point!

The Aftermath

The creative process is hard enough when you’ve got your own ideas, but when it comes to a collaborative creative process where you involve others’ ideas of what you want (that was not a typo), it becomes even more of a challenge. So many things like this have happened on the way to publishing in the past 6 months, but I consider it to be training ground and fodder for another “lessons learned” book for my fellow would-be writer colleagues and indie publisher friends.

Oh yeah… and now we’re just one month from the official, “dual” book launch!

Got comments on my new site? Let me know what you think. Know of a speaking event where my message is needed? Contact me.

 

Don’t Shoot the Messenger (It’s Not About Me)

Photo Credit: Purestock

When faced with a dilemma, some of us who believe in prayer may not always pray first before asking for a person’s opinion on what we should do about the situation. Sometimes prayer is used as a last resort. I like Joyce Meyer’s line, “Don’t run to the phone, run to the throne.” I have a tendency to want answers fast, so I have to take that advice just like the next person. However, I believe that God can and does use people to speak through, and I know that God has used me many times in the situations where someone has not prayed yet, or has prayed but is waiting for an answer.

If I give you my opinion about your situation, I’m probably going to tell you what I would do based on my own personal experience. The advice I give you is personal and I may even feel strongly about it because it comes from me. That’s what I did in my book (in part).

However, if I give you a message from the Spirit within me, that is, letting God speak through me to address or confirm something you’re contemplating, I take that very seriously and I do not shoot off at the mouth carelessly or emotionally. Further, I am so serious and so unemotional about it–even if I care about the situation as much as you do–that it’s ok with me if you don’t like what I say. Why? Because:

 

I Mean What I Say

Warning: If you’re dragging your feet on something, this post may hurt your feelings, but it’s for your own good.
——–

We–some of us–do not engage each other enough on the level to see what’s behind common phrases such as, “How are you?”

I remember times in 2009 and 2010 when I told people I was writing a book, and often they would ask, “What’s it about?,” which is a fair question in and of itself. But some of the people I was in touch with regularly, it didn’t register, and they would ask again and again. I didn’t really think about it until I received my first printed book recently and started showing it to folks. As they held the book in their hands, most of the comments were praise and astonishment that I completed my goal.

Writing books is no joke, and a lot of people who say they want to do it or are going to do it, do not ever even try. I didn’t say, “I’m writing a book” to get a reaction from someone, make them care about my project, or look at me differently. Once I said it, I knew I was going to do it.

It surprised me how surprised THEY were, because I know me, and they know me–they know I’m a goal-getter. As hard as writing my first book was at times (the process–not the actual writing), I knew I could not give up because I was called to write this book, and I am pretty ambitious. I believe that you give your time to the things that matter most to you. That being said, I push myself harder than anyone else ever could when it comes to my goals.

I do what I say I’m going to do– for myself and for others.