Getting to the Next Level? I Don’t Need It

I love Tyler Perry’s new video on his Facebook page about how to be successful. In essence, he talks about

Photo Credit: Christian Beirle Gonzalez

focusing on one thing at a time and believing in it, and seeing it through. He uses the metaphor of planting a seed, saying that you can’t spray water across the field and expect much of it to get to the one seed you planted. But if you continually plant and water in the right area, God will give the increase. I love it!

This is why I don’t get excited when people give me their (often unsolicited) advice for what I should do as a new author. I’ve heard that I should now:

- start a nonprofit
- team up with a local “megachurch”
- do a book tour all over the country
- get a show on blogtalkradio

I should do all of this to get to “the next level”? Now?

 

We Have Been Cleared for Takeoff!: D.A.R.E.E. Website Relaunch

I’m so excited to finally unveil announce the relaunch of the all-new DareeAllen.com!

It’s been a really close call, as I’m 30 days from my “dual” book release date. Along the way, I’ve been with not 1, not 2, but 4 different web developers in the past 3 months (!!) trying to get my site updated. I almost liken it to the dreaded “dating game.”

The Blind Date

Any adult who’s ever been single can probably relate: you take the time to learn someone’s likes, dislikes, personality and nuances. You talk at length about what you don’t want from a relationship, from them, or both (and that’s not a typo–everyone doesn’t know what they actually want). You decide whether you and that person are a good fit, and whether you consider them marriage material (if you’re serious).

Now imagine sharing your vision, writing instructions, explaining your wants and needs, shelling out hundreds of dollars (sometimes up front), transferring umpteen files, and making phone calls and sending emails that often go unreturned/replied to…. only to get repeated slow or “no show” performance, and quitters. The worst part is when it’s a referral, because someone vetted that person for you (like a blind date).

You trusted someone’s (professional) opinion and recommendation (e.g., “Oh, I know someone who does that!” or “I’ve got the person for you”), and you want to believe they’re on point!

The Aftermath

The creative process is hard enough when you’ve got your own ideas, but when it comes to a collaborative creative process where you involve others’ ideas of what you want (that was not a typo), it becomes even more of a challenge. So many things like this have happened on the way to publishing in the past 6 months, but I consider it to be training ground and fodder for another “lessons learned” book for my fellow would-be writer colleagues and indie publisher friends.

Oh yeah… and now we’re just one month from the official, “dual” book launch!

Got comments on my new site? Let me know what you think. Know of a speaking event where my message is needed? Contact me.

 

Don’t Shoot the Messenger (It’s Not About Me)

Photo Credit: Purestock

When faced with a dilemma, some of us who believe in prayer may not always pray first before asking for a person’s opinion on what we should do about the situation. Sometimes prayer is used as a last resort. I like Joyce Meyer’s line, “Don’t run to the phone, run to the throne.” I have a tendency to want answers fast, so I have to take that advice just like the next person. However, I believe that God can and does use people to speak through, and I know that God has used me many times in the situations where someone has not prayed yet, or has prayed but is waiting for an answer.

If I give you my opinion about your situation, I’m probably going to tell you what I would do based on my own personal experience. The advice I give you is personal and I may even feel strongly about it because it comes from me. That’s what I did in my book (in part).

However, if I give you a message from the Spirit within me, that is, letting God speak through me to address or confirm something you’re contemplating, I take that very seriously and I do not shoot off at the mouth carelessly or emotionally. Further, I am so serious and so unemotional about it–even if I care about the situation as much as you do–that it’s ok with me if you don’t like what I say. Why? Because:

 

I Mean What I Say

Warning: If you’re dragging your feet on something, this post may hurt your feelings, but it’s for your own good.
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We–some of us–do not engage each other enough on the level to see what’s behind common phrases such as, “How are you?”

I remember times in 2009 and 2010 when I told people I was writing a book, and often they would ask, “What’s it about?,” which is a fair question in and of itself. But some of the people I was in touch with regularly, it didn’t register, and they would ask again and again. I didn’t really think about it until I received my first printed book recently and started showing it to folks. As they held the book in their hands, most of the comments were praise and astonishment that I completed my goal.

Writing books is no joke, and a lot of people who say they want to do it or are going to do it, do not ever even try. I didn’t say, “I’m writing a book” to get a reaction from someone, make them care about my project, or look at me differently. Once I said it, I knew I was going to do it.

It surprised me how surprised THEY were, because I know me, and they know me–they know I’m a goal-getter. As hard as writing my first book was at times (the process–not the actual writing), I knew I could not give up because I was called to write this book, and I am pretty ambitious. I believe that you give your time to the things that matter most to you. That being said, I push myself harder than anyone else ever could when it comes to my goals.

I do what I say I’m going to do– for myself and for others.

 

Announcing the Official “What’s Wrong With Me?” Blog Tour!

With about one month to go until my book launch (on Valentine’s Day 2012), I’m announcing the blog tour for the book! To visit the tour stops and/or request me to visit your blog, check my blog tour page for all the details.

 

The Countdown Begins: The What’s Wrong With Me Book Launch is Coming Soon!

Today marks the 60-day countdown to my book launch (on Valentine’s Day). You can pre-order What’s Wrong With Me on Amazon, but I prefer that you use my website and order from me directly so I can re-coup my costs more quickly (I’ve got the Amazon channel mainly for exposure). It’s also available in all ebook formats (Kindle, mobi, epub, pdf) as well as audiobook formats (CD and mp3)!

Something I’ve learned in the past few months is that it’s hard to weed through potential candidates to figure out who will deliver quality work on time. Despite earning my M.S. in Management in 2004, I’ve never wanted to be a manager in the corporate world and that’s a skill of discernment I’m trying to hone better as in my entrepreneur-life. So although I’ve been saying this for months, now I really mean it: I’ve got new videos coming on my publishing Youtube channel really soon. I shot several videos on location a while back; the hold-up was finding someone who was willing AND ready to do the video editing for me… Check!

I’ve also recently added a second companion book, the “What’s Wrong With Me? Reflections Journal,” which is a journal in workbook form that allows girls to do some honest self-reflection on the concepts presented in “What’s Wrong With Me?”

 

Goal Call: ’11 Birthday Edition

Credit: Angela Bax

This month I’ve given myself permission to take a break from blogging for a bit because I was overwhelmed with all the social media “to-do” stuff (in preparing for my book launch in February). But birthdays always make me reflect so I knew this post wouldn’t be hard to write. I chuckled when I looked at my post from last year and decided to do a comparison along with my update.

The Top 5 “Ballsy” Things I Did This Year (in reverse chronological order)

Traded in my lovely SUV (that I only had for two months) for a car
Started dating for the first time in the “A”
Lost about 30 pounds in 5 weeks
Established Kharacter Distinction Books
Started two YouTube channels (its not easy to watch yourself on video)

The Top 5 Things I Learned This Year

How to two-strand twist my daughter’s hair– and mine.
Choreography to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” (yes, 3 years later)
Hiring good help for your business is a trial-and-error process (I hope all my errors are behind me now).
It is easier–and emotionally healthier– to cut someone off than I ever thought possible.
When people can see your heart, they’ll support you.

From 2010, with commentary: The Top 6 Things I Want to Do Next Year (That I Haven’t Done)

Publish my book. (I’m about 80 days away!)
Build a minimum 6-month emergency fund. (The book publishing process wiped that out)
Get more paid writing and speaking gigs. (Not yet, but I hired a speaking coach to help me)
Join the NSA Academy. (Attended some NSA Georgia meetings but that’s all for now)
Attend a writer’s conference. (Not that interested in this these days)
Earn another Toastmasters award, and get closer to Distinguished Toastmaster (DTM).  (Not a high priority anymore, but I earned an ACS this year.)

Now: The Top 7 Things I Want to Do in 2012

Get back to the Y (I miss Turbokickboxing)
Become fluent in [Latin American] Spanish (I plan on starting a foreign language certificate program at Emory University next semester).
Learn a new graphic design package (maybe InDesign or Photoshop CS) and/or video editing skills.
Expand my business out of my comfort zone by partnering with complementary youth and Christian organizations.
Speak at more conferences and presenting to more organizations across the Mid-atlantic and Southeast regions.
Publish my first book, companion journal, Cds, ebooks, etc.
Finish writing my second book.

5 Things I’m Going to Keep Doing in 2012

Line dances.
Dating/courting only those worthy of my time (not settling).
Encouraging girls and young women to accept and love themselves.
Being a great example to my daughter.
Making my family and God proud of me.

How are you feeling about your 2011? What changes do you plan to make?

 

Why Do You Do What You Do?

Credit: Digital Vision

I recall a story about a woman baking a ham for her family during the holidays. Every year as part of her holiday meal preparations, she made a ham, and she always cut off both ends of the ham before putting it into the baking pan. Her daughter saw this as a girl year after year, and when she grew up and had a family of her own, she did the same thing–she prepared a ham and cut off both ends of it before placing it in the oven.

One day her little girl saw this and asked, “Why do you cut off both ends of your ham before you put it in the oven?”

The woman replied, “I don’t know… it’s something your Gramma always did, and so I do it too.” But it got her thinking. She called her mother and asked about it: “Mom, why do you always cut off both ends of a ham before baking it?”

 

The Bait and Switch: Committed Life Partner to Fair-weather Friend

Credit: Photodisc

Did you watch the “Kardashian Event” earlier this month?  Celebutante Kim Kardashian got married for the second time to 26-year-old NBA baller Kris Humphries, and for most of the 4-hour glimpse into their wedding planning, Kim and Kris (her mother) made lots of decisions about the wedding with Kris’ (the fiance’s) thoughts and opinions about logistics (everything from the registry to Kim’s last name) as an afterthought.

It was this “event” that I thought of–wedding planning–when a married male friend of mine lamented about how many women do not consider involving their spouse in their daily activities of life post-wedding either. What follows is a guest post he penned. Single ladies, consider this as #foodforthought.

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Life is good…..we start our life together, the rings are shiny, the weekend get-a-ways are fantastic, and there’s plenty of money in the bank.  Things are looking good and I’m ‘da man.

Unfortunately, like millions of other men out there, I’ve found that life can definitely throw some curve-balls that keep you guessing what’s next.  This shouldn’t be something that brings me down, but what happens when the person I’ve joined in covenant with turns out to be a fair-weather friend?

“For better or for worse” turned out to only apply to her.

“In sickness and in health” turned out to only apply to her.

“For richer, for poorer” turned out to only apply to her.

 

What Do Women Want From Us?: A Man’s Plea

The following is a post from a friend who I’ll call “Tim.” I’m not going to give anymore of a setup than that. I can see his side of things, and although I am not one of these women he describes, I know some, and unfortunately, so does he. :S   Anyway, let me know what you think.
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I was brought up to value the special place women had in the family.  They were daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and more.  They were blessed with being the very first love of children and keepers of the home.  Women, from my perspective, kept the family on track.  Even women that weren’t married carried themselves in such a way as to demand a certain level of respect, just because they were a woman.  Even if you didn’t like a particular woman, you respected her as such and always wanted to be respectful.

The Problem Is…

Sadly, it seems that somewhere along the line, women decided that being a woman was a dirty word.  Women decided that they needed to feel equal to a man.  I’m not talking about simply wanting to be paid the same wages for performing the same work; I’m talking about actually taking on some of the same traits, mannerisms, and even nasty attitudes.  Women got busy going to school, getting jobs, and putting off marriage and family.  All of a sudden, it was more important to be an equal and not need a man for anything than it was to actually value who you were; a woman.

Is there any wonder why men struggle with understanding modern women?  On one hand, they want all the traditional courtesies and considerations given a women of generations past, while on the other thinking it okay to roll their eyes at their man because he asked for a glass of water.  I mean, “Why can’t he just get up and get his own glass of water?”

Credit: Lifesize

It seems that today’s man has to spend a lot of time sparring with women instead of loving them.  Is that supposed to inspire love and affection, or does the modern woman even need those things anymore.  After all, she has her on money, her own house, her own career, and if she happened to have a baby along the way, she even has a courthouse full of people eager to make sure she gets paid for being a mom… oh, I forgot, that money is for the kid.

I’ve never seen such arrogance as I do with today’s women.  What really makes it worse is to see them online talking about how there aren’t any good men, how men are scared of a “strong woman”, and how men are just dogs who only want sex.  These women actually want to play the “victim-card” like they don’t play any part in their dilemma.

Case in Point

I don’t have a problem with ‘Strong Women’, I have a problem with women who’ve traded in everything that made them special in order to be something they aren’t.

Here’s an example….