You’re Not “Eliminated”… You’re Moving On

One of Laurieanne's photos for BitchieLife magazine

Celebrity choreographer Laurieann Gibson was on The Mo’ Nique Show recently, talking about her latest reality dance show, Born to Dance, where 20 young women compete for $50K and a strong start to a professional dance career. Y’all know how I love to dance.  I was surprisedly inspired by her profound statement regarding female self-image and the negativity that comes with the competitive, “cast-off”-types of reality shows:

“We collectively decided that I would not use the word “elimination,” because when you say, “you’re eliminated,”… I didn’t wanna speak that into their spirit–into their purpose. Eliminated means to cease not to exist, to go away. Eliminate, eliminate, eliminate…. When you’re young and you’re pure, that gift that purity… you know it’s like if that little doorway opens up with such a word as “elimination…,” “you’re eliminated…,” it begins to chop away at your gift, at your desire, and it starts to attach negativity onto your purpose. So we don’t say “eliminated” on this show. We say “you’re moving on,” and in moving on, God continues to cover you and prepare a way. Yes it’s only that this situation will only allow me to give one girl the money and the opportunity, but in moving on, you’re moving on fulfilling your dream and when you leave, you’re moving on with lessons, with information, with a sense of self, with the idea that there is no shortcut. And you must never sacrifice your self-worth as a young woman for any man or any career or any opportunity.”

I agree that it can be very discouraging to get so close to a dream and then be… eliminated. We have to be careful of the things we speak into someone’s life, and to choose our words carefully.

 

Teachings from the Temple of Tyrese

Yesterday, Spelman College and Written Magazine  presented “A Conversation with Tyrese” at the Sister’s Chapel at Spelman. Written’s publisher Michelle Gipson conducted the 80-min interview with singer/actor Tyrese Gibson about his new book, How to Get Out of Your Own Way (Grand Central Publishing, 2011), a memoir/self-help book. Journalist and CNN commentator Jack Johnson joined them onstage as well. Gipson encouraged audience members (Spelman students, grown women, and a few men!) to submit questions on notecards or tweet with the hashtag #WritMagAskTyrese.
Note: This post is written almost like a full-featured magazine article, except that I’ve also included my own thoughts and explanations to provide context. So it’s long, even though I left some things out. . . but I think you’ll enjoy it regardless.

The Entrance

It’s no surprise that when the tall, dark, and dapper 32-year-old Tyrese appeared onstage, the girls went crazy with screams and frantic camera-phone picture-taking. It took awhile before he could speak–partly because of the love from the crowd, and partly because he was nervous. But after his initial “Hello,” the girls (and Tyrese) were able to collect themselves, and I was able to take more than three pages of notes to capture teachings from “The Temple of Tyrese,” as Jet magazine called it in their April 4, 2011 issue.

 

Curls, Cupcakes, and Conversation

One of my meetup groups attended the Curls, Cupcakes, and Conversation event in Atlanta the other day. There, I saw a demo of a new product line for curly-haired tresses, had some yummy cupcakes from Whole Foods, and learned about common foods and dietary supplements that can negatively impact our health and well-being.

Rhian “Rhee” Sharpe says she spent a great chunk of her life wearing weaves. She would faithfully relax her hair, braid it, and re-weave it like clockwork for 18 years. When she had children, the thought occurred to her, “How can I teach my children to embrace and love their natural hair texture when I’m not?” I can totally relate.

She also mentioned that she liked the Kinky Curly products, except for the synthetic preservatives in them. To that end, she developed her own line of products called Curls of the World, using all natural ingredients and preservatives and is free of parabens, silicone, petroleum, plastics, mineral oils, alcohol wax, carbomers, and acrylics. Currently, Curls of the World is comprised of four styling products, but a shampoo and conditioner are in the works, and Rhian said they would be available later this year.

Three hair models demonstrated using the Curls of the World (each with different hair textures of 2, 3, and 4).   I recorded a portion of one model’s twist/twist-out regime with Rhee (see below).

Curls of the World is based in Stockbridge, GA and all orders ship free in the month of April 2011.

After the demos, two natural health experts from Bee Well Life Corporation from Roswell, GA gave us information and answered questions about common mistakes we make when it comes to our diet, vitamins, and supplements. I was familiar with some, but not all of the advice they gave. You can peruse their variety of tips on Twitter by searching the hashtag #curlscupcakesconvo (my Twitter name is @DareeAllen).

**Disclaimer: There are no affiliate links in this post, and I was not asked to write this post by anyone, nor compensated in any way for writing this post. I just like to support good people.**

 

The Ex-Boyfriend

Source: Creative

Are you friends with your exes?  How is that working for you?

I ask this question to people all the time, and the answers are as diverse as the personalities of their exes. Some say that they are not friends with any of their exes, some say the opposite. A “lucky” few don’t have any exes because they married their high school sweethearts.

Prior to the teaching I heard  the other day, I’d say I’m friends with almost all of mine–but that’s about to change.

Last Saturday I attended a program at my church entitled “He Said, She Said.” Our pastor taught the men, while the ladies listened to Minister Patricia Gregory (“Min. Trish”).

 

The Suspect Friend Request

It’s an all-too-familiar scenario: Min. Trish joined Facebook, and before too long, started receiving friend requests from ex-boyfriends. Can you relate? For some of us, it’s a dilemma whether to add an ex into our “fb fam.” What do they want? Is there an ulterior motive? Before I got hip to configuring my privacy settings on fb, I had a few people tell me that they looked “all up and through” my photos before even sending a friend request (in my opinion, privacy settings may be prudent, but are not the solution).

Min. Trish noted that the word boyfriend is never mentioned in the Bible. Young women were betrothed to be married back in those days because their parents were friends or partners with a man’s parents, and voila. To my knowledge, there wasn’t much in the way of dating or courting. But now we have choices, and oh, what a variety of results those choices can bring.

 

Helping the Hungry

This past week has been absolutely nonstop for me, but one of the most rewarding things I did was participate in a Feed the People event. March 27, 2011 was the  3rd Annual National Feed The People Weekend, and we started the assembly that morning at the Othello Event Hall in Atlanta.

 
First a little background–the Feed The People (FTP) Program  is a grassroots organization that began in 2004. Since then, FTP has served over 100,000 meals and hygienic care packages in several cities including Los Angeles, San Diego and parts of Canada. FTP accepts donations of hygiene kit supplies (think samples of toiletries, new underwear and socks, feminine hygiene products, diapers, baby wipes), bottled water, fruit, sandwiches, clothing and more, as well as monetary donations.
At Othello, we formed assembly lines and put the lunches and kits together before heading out in a long line of cars to different spots in the downtown area. Along the way, we stopped at an underpass for the first distribution, and I teared up a bit. It’s been a long time since I went to a shelter or a park to deliver things to the homeless, and my first time doing so in this city. As I explained to my daughter K, an only child who doesn’t have lack in her life, everyone needs help sometime. When I think about it, most of us don’t have an adequate amount of savings, and are only a few paychecks away from poverty.

 
I was proudly amazed at K’s willingness to jump in the sandwich line to prepare the brown bag lunches, and to hand out supplies in the neighborhood. I also am looking forward to doing it all over again next month.

 
Wanna get involved? FTP meets every 2nd and 4th Sunday of the month.

 

The Tell-Tale Signs of a Control Freak

Source: Blend Images

When I was 17, I did what people told me…

Did what my father said, and let my mother mold me…

- Janet Jackson, “Control” (1986)

There’s a difference between being in control, having self-control, and HAVING to be in control. This post contains just a portion of my notes from Pastor Creflo A. Dollar’s sermon at the Radical Redefined women’s conference on March 25, 2011 at World Changers Church International.

We ALL Need Relationships

These days the enemy is attacking women like never before. We all need relationships in order to grow, but Satan uses all kinds of factions to destroy the family and each other.
“[Severely] independent women say, ‘I don’t need no man.’ And not a lot of men will admit this, but we need women–maybe some of just haven’t found the right one yet. But I [Creflo] will tell you, I need a woman. I need THAT woman [pointing at his wife Taffi]! I wouldn’t be where I am today without my woman. God gave me that woman because I needed her. I was selfish and had all kinds of issues, but God gave me my wife to help deliver me from that.”

Remaining single is OK, but you cannot grow and develop without having relationships with people. You can’t just cut everybody off. Respect relationships and bring something to them; i.e., GIVE advantage, don’t take advantage. You cannot grow and develop without having a relationship (courtship or friendship) with another human being.

 

A Little Talk with Uncle Rush

On my next-to-last day in L.A., I was excited to see hip hop icon and mogul “Uncle Rush,” a.k.a.  Russell Simmons, 53, up close and personal.  He and author/Executive Director of the GRAMMY Museum Robert Santelli (who interviewed Motown godfather and mogul Berry Gordy the day before) sat in director chairs on the stage and talked in a small theatre-style room at the GRAMMY Museum at L.A. Live. Simmons drove himself to the venue on that rainy evening and talked about his new book, Super Rich, coming up in the hip hop game, race, and relationships (in music and in life).

 

Look Ma… I’m on TV!

My next few posts recaps some winter “vacay” highlights from last week in Los Angeles, when my daughter had her winter break from school. I flew with her to her dad’s, then took off west. On the first two of my four days in L.A., I attended not one, but two tapings for late-night shows!

George Lopez Taping

I signed up online to join the audience for Lopez Tonight at the WB Studios in Burbank. On my first day in L.A., I was in that audience. The whole process took about five hours: half of that time was just waiting to go into the studio (checking in, adding standby audience prospects, re-counts, lining up, walking, security, and more waiting). The guests were (in order) Trevor Bayne (the youngest Daytona 500 winner ever), Jessica Lucas (of Big Momma’s House: Like Father, Like Son), music by Bobby Valentino with Bobby Brown, and DJ Pauly D (Jersey Shore). These interviews were for a couple of different shows–George just changed his tie. The interviews of the first three guests aired on the February 24, 2010 show (taped the day before), and Pauly D’s interview airs on the March 2, 2010 show.

 

You Can’t Talk to Men Like You Talk to Your Girls

A friend invited me to attend a WATTS meeting (Women Aspiring Together To Succeed) in Snellville, GA on Valentine’s Eve.  The meeting’s theme was “Unraveling the Mysteries of Men & Women in Relationships.” Plenty of men and women attended, and I felt very comfortable and enjoyed myself. In this post, I’m sharing some highlights with you.

~~~~~~
Jack A. Daniels, author, coach, and counselor recently relocated to Atlanta, GA from St. Louis, MO. He opened by saying that yes, his name really was Jack Daniels, and then asked us to repeat the following phrase: “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” Simple, yet profound!

 

How to Become an Amazing, Desirable Woman

Shanel has done it again.

I just had to post some notes from Shanel Cooper-Sykes‘ Ustream on Valentines night (she will post it to her YouTube channel later). She gave “10 Steps to Become a Amazing Woman That Every Man Wants,” and I couldn’t agree more!:
1- Cleanse your past. Write down your past lovers, think about your childhood hurts. Get it out and then get over it. Let go of the baggage.

2- Love thyself. Build a relationship with God. Be still and quiet your life down a little bit. Begin to seek God and you will build yourself and your confidence. Talk to yourself and tell yourself the right things. Use affirmations. Speak life. Explore your likes. Fall in love with yourself before you expect someone else to. Teach people how to love you. Exude love and it will radiate back to you.

3- Confidence. 97 of 100 men she surveyed said that the sexiest thing about a woman was confidence.  Lack of confidence comes from not knowing what you can do. So learn what you can do– know yourself.

4- Substance. Get something in your mind– have something to talk about. Educate yourself and know what is going on in the world. Can you have a conversation with a man without talking about sex or something of substance? Get some business. There’s nothing worse than a person that has nothing to do! Travel, expand yourself, do something to grow!
Get some substance.