Being OK with Saying No

I have to be true to me so that I don’t have to deal with negativity, anxiety and regret in the aftermath of a situation I should have said “No” to.

It’s all in the way you decline; if I do it respectfully and the other person doesn’t get it, it’s ok. I’m over trying to explain myself to people. If you can’t see my heart or you’re not with it, so be it. In the end, my peace of mind is is more important than “making nice” with folks for the sake of what they might think of me.

 
Who (or what) do you need to say to in your life?

Amazing Grace: My Life in March 2013

Credit: Seth Polk (via Renee Swope)

I’m allowing myself to receive more grace (from God and myself) these days. It is a specific focus I’ve had for the past several weeks. I’ve been paying more attention to things that I truly enjoy, things I do only because I have to, and the unkindled desires of my heart. By staying in tune with my daily routines and experiences and categorizing them like so, I can choose where to exhibit (and accept) more grace in my life.

Every Day I’m Hustlin’

March was a month that brought me quite a few accomplishments, including winning the 2013 Stiletto Women in Business Award (SWIBA) Author of the Year Award, becoming a finalist in the 2012 ForeWord Reviews Awards, and earned 2 new fitness certifications (see the certification link below for details).
Toward the end of the month were more special happenings:

• Performed 2 more fitness auditions for TurboKick and “passed” them. (I completed new hire paperwork for one company and an application for the other.)
• Danced in 3 performances at church over Easter weekend–my first public performances in over a decade.
• Completed self-edits for my forthcoming title, Ending the Blame Game, and submitted the manuscript to my editor. We also finalized the book cover, which I’ll share soon.
• Bought my first couch – a nice purple/burgundy sectional!
• Hired a babysitter for the first time in my daughter’s life (she’s almost 10) for my all day hip hop hustle certification and we both survived . She ended up having 2 new babysitters that day because the first girl got ill halfway through the day. She said she now prefers babysitters to drop-off day care because (and I quote): “…they can take you places and they’ll do whatever you want.” She’s such a charmer.
• Set up my first Kindle Promo for my book What’s Wrong With Me?: A Girl’s Book of Lessons Learned, Inspiration and Advice. Stay tuned for details!

A to Z Blog Challenge

For April, I am taking part in the A to Z challenge, blogging almost every day.  Check out the “B” side tomorrow!

Two Pains

Everybody wants something out of life, but the question is, How bad do you want it?

Our human flesh by nature is selfish and wants its own way. If we’re going to make progress in any life goal, we will always have to make a choice of whether to exercise discipline. Even doing nothing is a choice. I always say that making no decision is a decision.

Whether you’re working on a random project, a book, in school or college, saving or investing for the long-term, striving for or maintaining your fitness and nutrition goals, or setting boundaries of respect and self-love in your personal relationships, you must use discipline.

That leaves us with a choice of two pains with said life goals: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

Single But Not Sad: It’s My Anniversary!

I know quite a few people who have gotten married on Valentine’s Day and are celebrating their anniversaries to this day.  I’ve spent many Valentine’s Days as a single woman, but it doesn’t get me down–especially since I chose it to be the birthday of my “twins” last year.

 
Hard to believe, but it’s been one amazing year since my “What’s Wrong With Me?” book series launched, and I’m so happy about all your feedback and support.  I chose to launch on Valentine’s Day because the theme of my book is self-love and a personal relationship with God. I believe that if girls and women would learn what self-love looks like and strive for wholeness in themselves and their Creator BEFORE linking up with a mate, they’ll make better choices. There are many other reasons that I wrote the book, and one of them is to have something available when I speak.

 
I am always looking for new opportunities as a motivational youth speaker. I offer programs and workshops about self-esteem, journaling and media literacy for tween/teen girls ages 12-19.  I continue seeking to build my clientele with referrals from my circle of trusted friends, family and colleagues. Please keep me in mind and let me know if you or anyone in your network would be interested in my products and services. I am offering a discount for new clients/customers who book me between now and March 30, 2013!

 
If you’re a part of a school, church, sorority or any other organization that cares about youth, mentoring and personal empowerment, drop me a line. You can also sign up for my free e-newsletter to stay in touch with me and how my business is doing.
Whether you subscribe to this blog or share my work with others by forwarding my videos, tweeting about my blog posts, posting the occasional comment or sending an email of encouragement, I appreciate you.  Thank you so much for your support!

 

A final word for my single readers who are feeling “some kind of way” about Valentine’s Day:

Kindness. Just Because.

I have heard two messages recently about giving random acts of kindness (I’ll use RAK for short). I recall last year when someone paid for my groceries when I was a little short. And on my daughter’s birthday, strangers will come up and hand her $20 bills. I know how it feels to be the recipient of a RAK, and this week I was thrust into a RAK without planning it.

 

Getting the Boot

After leaving a nice networking event with Nicci Gilbert in midtown Atlanta, I got back to my car near the entrance of a parking garage close by and found it booted, along with a lady who sat next to me at the event (she was parked next to me as well). The parking receipt I received upon entry was supposedly good until 1 pm the next day, but I happened to park in a space designated for 2 hours only. The time of the event was 2 hours, and I didn’t anticipate overstaying, but I stayed 3 hours because I was networking and not paying attention. As I walked toward my car, the lady was on her phone trying to figure out what to do, and instinctively I asked her if she was ok (the boots were present on the other side of the car that I couldn’t see yet). I barely talked to her inside the lounge, but she recognized me (we had both asked Nicci questions during the event).

The Clean Up Woman (or Man)

As I think about the many resolutions people are making this week, the word that comes to the forefront of my mind is “clean.” I’ve blogged about my self-imposed challenge to eat clean, and a lot of people are thinking about cleaning up their act or their life in various ways, usually in setting new goals or re-establishing neglected ones. A few popular ones are:

• getting organized
• eating a healthier diet
• eliminating toxic friendships
• purging clothing and other items that no longer serve you or bring you joy

Original source: Upwallpapers

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
- Psalm 139:23-24

Now for a silly question: Would you consider going weeks or months without taking a shower or a bath? I doubt it–you don’t want your body to be dirty and stinky. So why is it ok when we let our minds get dirty and stinky with the polluted images, music and messages we take in day after day? When we let our minds and hearts get filled with thoughts of lust, envy, discontent, greed, and so on, it affects us in a negative way–even if you don’t realize it. It affects how we behave, what we say, where we go, and who we talk to. It fuels our goals. It becomes a part of who we are. And if you’re a believer, it affects your relationship with God. You can’t witness as effectively with if your spirit is filled with pollution.

Original source: Green Jungle

Sometimes the pace of life is just a little too fast, and we don’t reflect enough. I challenge you to take a break from something or someone that is polluting your mind or your life. With clarity of mind, you can allow the Spirit to tell you what you need to do about that situation, and how to proceed from there.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
- Psalm 51:10
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Birthday Bling and Food Freebies – November 2012 Recap

The best month of the year flew by! Here’s my monthly recap for November 2012. (I also posted an annual recap of 2012 on my birthday.)

Birthday Bling and Sparkle

Sparkle movie still (Source: Creative Loafing Atlanta)

Over the weekend, I took advantage of the free 1-night Redbox rental code I got for my birthday and copped Sparkle (the remake of the iconic 1976 film with Irene Cara in the original title role). I love Jordin Spark’s voice, and seeing Whitney Houston play a different kind of character was refreshing and bittersweet. Derek Luke is awesome in everything he does. Omar Epps’ dramatic turn was also pretty awesome, but I notice several comedians that do well in dramatic roles (think Jamie Foxx, Anthony Anderson)–probably because a lot of comedy comes from a place of pain.

I didn’t get any jewelry for my birthday but I enjoyed my gifts and time with my family. Any “bling” I claim came from the Cyber week deals last week. Much better than Black Friday shopping, and without the traffic.

I was able to celebrate my birthday throughout the month.  I subscribe to a ton of birthday freebies, and I took advantage of most of them, including:

Goal Call: ’12 Birthday Edition

Source: Paperblog

…and another reason to be thankful.

How fitting that prompt #23 (love that number!) for personal branding at TheBloggingSchool during #NaBloPoMo  is Write about your latest accomplishment. In this birthday recap/annual review, I will mention quite a few of those!  I had so many proud, fun moments in the year of 35.

Happiness is in the Process–Not in the Results

Source: ForbesLife

It’s been almost two years since I went to L.A. and attended an event where Russell Simmons was interviewed and then conducted a book signing for his latest book, Super Rich.

I just started and finished the book this month. Awesome!

As usual, I want to share some of the points in the book that I will use. I won’t try to explain them all, even though there is much context surrounding everything listed here. (My personal comments on this list are in brackets.)

Thanks-and-Giving: Closer

Thanks…

Earlier this year, my daughter started acting out. She’s too old to have tantrums, and she wasn’t having trouble in school.

Source: Madame Noire

Her anger management skills were non-existent, and we briefly went to therapy to sort out some issues. But now I’m so glad to say that my daughter and I are getting closer. I’ve struggled with being a single mother for most of her life, but things are changing.

My daughter spent most of the summer in her hometown with my family while I stayed home, packed, travel, and took a breather. I went to see her for her birthday during that time, and I missed her so much. Her voice was changing, she seemed taller, and she definitely a little darker from daily swimming at camp. When she came back home–to our new home–I genuinely did a better job of giving her attention and spending time with her rather than being so tied to my work (I work from home). We do more things together that she enjoys. We make smoothies, enjoy “tea time” together,  and watch movies together (both at home and in the theatre). I like being at home (or someone else’s) the best, but I stretched myself to take her to *some* of the “kiddie” and family events that I don’t naturally gravitate to. We play games and occasionally eat out (not several times a week like before, but enough to make those times special and like more meaningful treats).  Homeschooling her next year will definitely mean more time together (all the time!!) and a closer connection. But I’m already seeing those benefits.

…and Giving

Source: Evansville Christian Life Center

I’ve also been fortunate to always meet neighbors and friends in the community who also have only children that are girls. One of them is celebrating her birthday tomorrow, but the family member who was supposed to come to take care of her only daughter is stuck up north (thanks to Hurricane Sandy). Like me, this young lady is a single mom of a spirited girl, and I know what it’s like to try to make travel plans that spread over school days. I didn’t hesitate to say yes when she asked me to keep her daughter for a few days. My daughter is going to love having a playmate!

 

Is there someone who you have gotten closer to this year (or away from), and your life is better for it? Who is it, and why?