The Bait and Switch: Committed Life Partner to Fair-weather Friend

Credit: Photodisc

Did you watch the “Kardashian Event” earlier this month?  Celebutante Kim Kardashian got married for the second time to 26-year-old NBA baller Kris Humphries, and for most of the 4-hour glimpse into their wedding planning, Kim and Kris (her mother) made lots of decisions about the wedding with Kris’ (the fiance’s) thoughts and opinions about logistics (everything from the registry to Kim’s last name) as an afterthought.

It was this “event” that I thought of–wedding planning–when a married male friend of mine lamented about how many women do not consider involving their spouse in their daily activities of life post-wedding either. What follows is a guest post he penned. Single ladies, consider this as #foodforthought.

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Life is good…..we start our life together, the rings are shiny, the weekend get-a-ways are fantastic, and there’s plenty of money in the bank.  Things are looking good and I’m ‘da man.

Unfortunately, like millions of other men out there, I’ve found that life can definitely throw some curve-balls that keep you guessing what’s next.  This shouldn’t be something that brings me down, but what happens when the person I’ve joined in covenant with turns out to be a fair-weather friend?

“For better or for worse” turned out to only apply to her.

“In sickness and in health” turned out to only apply to her.

“For richer, for poorer” turned out to only apply to her.

 

What Do Women Want From Us?: A Man’s Plea

The following is a post from a friend who I’ll call “Tim.” I’m not going to give anymore of a setup than that. I can see his side of things, and although I am not one of these women he describes, I know some, and unfortunately, so does he. :S   Anyway, let me know what you think.
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I was brought up to value the special place women had in the family.  They were daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and more.  They were blessed with being the very first love of children and keepers of the home.  Women, from my perspective, kept the family on track.  Even women that weren’t married carried themselves in such a way as to demand a certain level of respect, just because they were a woman.  Even if you didn’t like a particular woman, you respected her as such and always wanted to be respectful.

The Problem Is…

Sadly, it seems that somewhere along the line, women decided that being a woman was a dirty word.  Women decided that they needed to feel equal to a man.  I’m not talking about simply wanting to be paid the same wages for performing the same work; I’m talking about actually taking on some of the same traits, mannerisms, and even nasty attitudes.  Women got busy going to school, getting jobs, and putting off marriage and family.  All of a sudden, it was more important to be an equal and not need a man for anything than it was to actually value who you were; a woman.

Is there any wonder why men struggle with understanding modern women?  On one hand, they want all the traditional courtesies and considerations given a women of generations past, while on the other thinking it okay to roll their eyes at their man because he asked for a glass of water.  I mean, “Why can’t he just get up and get his own glass of water?”

Credit: Lifesize

It seems that today’s man has to spend a lot of time sparring with women instead of loving them.  Is that supposed to inspire love and affection, or does the modern woman even need those things anymore.  After all, she has her on money, her own house, her own career, and if she happened to have a baby along the way, she even has a courthouse full of people eager to make sure she gets paid for being a mom… oh, I forgot, that money is for the kid.

I’ve never seen such arrogance as I do with today’s women.  What really makes it worse is to see them online talking about how there aren’t any good men, how men are scared of a “strong woman”, and how men are just dogs who only want sex.  These women actually want to play the “victim-card” like they don’t play any part in their dilemma.

Case in Point

I don’t have a problem with ‘Strong Women’, I have a problem with women who’ve traded in everything that made them special in order to be something they aren’t.

Here’s an example….

 

What’s It Worth to You?

Source: Cultura

I have the privilege of knowing and befriending quite a few entrepreneurs since I relocated last year. Talking with one of them, whom I will call “Keisha,” I was reminded about how little value some of us place on quality and supporting Black-owned businesses who produce quality.
Keisha makes and sells her own jewelry line, and it is affordable. However, she has told me numerous times about her customers that frequently question her prices and are always looking for a discount.

 

Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way

It’s Friday, and I’m doing a recap since I didn’t post every day. It was definitely not a typical week–some interesting things happened:

• I got introduced to Georgia’s way of dealing with snow.
• I lost considerable weight.
• One of my accounts got hacked.

I’m a little hashtag-happy today, so I’ve left a few in this post (I know, the slightest of things amuses me these days after being snowed in all week). I’ll start with the last one first.

Who Did I P*** Off?

Yesterday while I was out and about, I left my laptop on, using a USB stick from T-Mobile as a secure connection to the internet and my VPN/company-intranet. When I returned, two things were “off”:

• My laptop was displaying the login screen (as if it rebooted itself)
• My Yahoo email account spammed all 1100 of my contacts multiple times before deleting them from my addressbook.

 

Creepy, Crawly, and Icky… But Good?

I’ve done a pretty good job preparing myself for almost everything that comes with a relocating from a house to an apartment. But one thing I gave no thought to? Bugs.

April Fools Day and Halloween are holidays that sometimes make my cringe because of all the fake bugs, rubber spiders, etc. that make their appearance “for the fun of it.”

I don’t think it’s fun or fun-ny.

“God made… all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. “ – Genesis 1:25b; 31b (NIV)

The Bible says that everything God created was good, but that’s an adjective I have never attributed to an insect. What’s the purpose of insects anyway? I’ve never had a revelation about it, I just know that I don’t care for them, and I certainly don’t like them in my home.

When my ex-husband and I were engaged, we lived in an apartment in Forestville, MD, and it was there that I saw a roach for the first time. Once.

Once was enough.

For part of the year I lived there, he was at basic training in Fort Sam Houston, San Antonio, TX. He loved it there, and suggested we move to TX but when he told me about the bugs, that squashed it for me. We bought a home in MD once the lease was up.

Now it’s 11 years later, and as a single woman I’ve dealt with a lot of critters, but I’m not used to these big roach-looking waterbugs here in the South. I’d rather resolve annoying, complicated, technical software ‘bugs’ all day than have to see, kill, and dispose of one nasty waterbug in my home. But guess what I’ve been doing once a week for the past month that I’ve lived here? (And this is in spite of pest control.)

This is supposed to be an inspiring blog, so I’ll stop whining and give some food for thought: even though I don’t understand the purpose of these annoying critters, they’re here. At least in Georgia they are. And I’m not moving anywhere again for a looooooooooooong time, so we have to co-exist. I have to work it out somehow, get over my fears, and do what I gotta do. Life is like that too. As long as we are trying to grow in Christ and take a daily spiritual walk to become more like Him, there will always be something that comes along–a situation, a circumstance, a co-worker, or family member to bug strengthen us. At first glance we may be put off by the work it takes to clean up the mess it/they bring, but that’s where our character development comes in. If everything was easy, we could remain as careless and selfish as we when we were children. But bugs make us grow up.

I’ve had to put my squeamishness aside to “man up.” I’m still growing.

P. S.: No lie–as I thought of this topic and scribbled notes in my bedroom, a waterbug had the audacity to crawl over my bare foot and off into my closet. Was God getting me back for picking on His creatures?

I don’t think it’s funny, but He’s probably still laughing at me.

 

Not All Popular Preachers Are Pimpin’

Are you so jaded to think that every preacher on TV is tryin’ to pimp you out of your money or your clothes? [In my Bill Cosby voice] C’mon people!

It annoys me when I read or hear comments about credible people who I have learned from, saying that they are ‘nothing but false preachers.’

Nothing but?!

Is that simple? Can you really discount everything about the person’s message (that’s what nothing but does)? Do you have inside ties or information about this person to back up what you’re saying? Even if you do, one person doesn’t qualify to give the rest–or Christianity–a bad name.

And are tithers really stupid to give their hard-earned money to a preacher? Well I don’t look at like that at all. Do you know the average pastor’s salary? I choose to tithe out of obedience to and faith in God, because I have to answer to Him–not anyone down here.

Now I can agree that there ARE false preachers out there (Matthew 7:15, 1 Timothy 1:3, 4 and chapter 4). But not every preacher on TV is necessarily a ‘prosperity preacher’. There is a balance between teaching people how to live the life Christ died to give them–a more abundant life (John 10:10; 3 John 1:2)–and being meek, humble and holy. Everyone perceives humility and holiness differently, but I don’t think you should totally discredit a preacher because s/he likes nice things. Whose to say those funds came from the church?

I worship in my local community and occasionally watch preachers on TV and read their books. Because I have read the Bible for myself, and continue to study it, I know if someone’s message is coming from God’s heart or from their own personal gospel and opinions. You have to know the Word for yourself before you can discern others’ motives. Please believe it.

What kind of fruit does this person’s ministry (and their life) produce (Luke 6:44; Matthew 21:18-19)? Is the person’s own immediate family on the up and up? Are lives being changed for the better as a result of their efforts? Are people coming to Christ and learning how to live their lives to be more like Him (their character, attitude, and integrity)?

I agree that people in positions of leadership are called to a higher standard (1 Timothy 3), but I say don’t let someone’s bankroll, clothing, or vehicle of choice dissuade you from ministers who are popular. They’re not perfect, and as humans they may stumble, but they’re not necessarily crooks trying to prey on those who are already down. Infighting only weakens our cause.

There are thousands, millions, zillions of preachers and teachers of God’s Word that are not out to get you. They really love the Lord and have committed their lives to doing His work, spreading the gospel (that is, the Good News of Jesus Christ– Matthew 28:16-20), and are active servant leaders helping their communities. Please back up off of these, my sisters and brothers in Christ who are trying to do the right thing and making a great impact.

　

“Touch not my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm.”- 1 Chronicles 16:22 and Psalm 105:15

P.S.- If you want to quickly look up the above-mentioned scriptures or any others in your favorite Bible version, go to http://www.biblegateway.com/ or your favorite online Bible resource. And if I’ve missed the mark, give me some food for thought–I don’t have all the answers.

 

No Booty Shaking Up in Here!

Sometimes when we stand up for what is right, everyone will not always agree, but it doesn’t mean you should keep quiet.

Last week on Good Morning America, a family was interviewed because their 6-year-old daughter was kicked off a cheerleading team when the mother protested a “booty” cheer.

Why in the world would you ignore/condone this? The word “booty” is suggestive, and you don’t agree, observe a man observe a female (of any age) in booty shorts. I sympathize with this mother for sticking to what she believes is right even though her daughter got punished for it.  It’s even worse because another parent rallied to have this child dismissed from the team. Some people just don’t see the big picture.

 

I’m Sorry… B*%#h!

When it comes to being rude, sometimes people define it subjectively. Perhaps something was taken out of context. Or maybe a person was a bit too sensitive. Sometimes, you get ignored because of disorganization and/or poor customer service. But sometimes, you just KNOW that the person meant to be rude to you.  A few choice examples:

SCENARIO 1- Leave Me Alone!

On Memorial Day, I was at a large cookout in Virginia and was looking for someone who I hadn’t seen yet.  It turns out that I had her old AND new cell numbers in my phone—but I didn’t remember to delete the old one because I don’t talk to her that often. So I texted her saying, “Hey girl, I haven’t seen you yet—where are you?”  I got an almost immediate response:  “Hey you dumb f*** this is a guy so leave me the f*** alone.”

*DEAD FISH EYES*

Now, couldn’t that person have simply replied by saying that I have the wrong number—or better yet, just ignore my text since he knew it wasn’t for him?

I did not respond, deleted the wrong number, and saw my girlfriend when she showed up a little later.

SCENARIO 2-
Cussing Me During An Apology?

One day I was in a parking structure in Maryland and decided to give one of my colleagues a lift to her car so she didn’t have to walk so far. As I come around one of the corners, someone is FLYING in my direction and scares the you-know-what out of me. My adrenaline was sky-high when I hit the brakes, and I was irritated with the guy in the other car. It was summer, and our windows were down (still in the parking garage). He looked at me with a scowl on my face and said something to me, but I didn’t hear him.

I said, “What did you say?!”

He said, “I SAID, I’m sorry BITCH!,” and then he sped off around another corner.

*CRICKETS*

I just sat there for a moment and looked at my colleague, dumbfounded, but glad to still be alive and not smashed against a column.  I got her to her car safely and left without incident.

SCENARIO 3-  Go!

This one was in Vegas, during the week of Labor Day and I admit I instigated it—sort of. 

I was exiting the parking lot of a public library and had to make a left into traffic, on a street that had no traffic light close by.  A car came up in the car behind me and the driver was impatient.  After a minute where I absolutely could not safely make a left into oncoming traffic, there was a break, but a homeless –looking woman was walking on the sidewalk, so instead of running her down, I sat. The driver behind me blew on her horn hard and I looked into my rear view mirror. She looked back at me and yelled, “GO, s***!”

Without even thinking about it, I flipped her off.  (Sorry God.)

OK, bad move. But I mean, what am I supposed to do, run over pedestrians? I know it’s hot, and I want to leave too!

She gets out of her car and my window is still down. My heart is beating fast, but I’m ready to tell her off.

A short argument ensues with her calling me a B, and then, FINALLY, I get to make my left (just in the nick of time).

I’m just glad she didn’t cut me.

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In any case, I think rudeness should be a punishable crime.  Rudeness should be illegal, with citizens’ arrests binding.

How do you deal with rude people? Do you confront them? Brush it off? Chalk it up to ignorance? Engage them in funny ways to show them how stupid they are? Let’s hear it! You can even submit your stories to be included in Amy Alkon’s next book about rude people.