Are you lying to yourself about something? Self-deception is the worst kind. Check out the following guest post from my friend, author, speaker and coach Jack A. Daniels.
Ever told a lie before?
I’ve helped a lot of people and will tell you that people find the most creative ways to lie to themselves. Continue reading
Xavier Simmons and his famous father, rapper DMX (“Dead Man X”) were recently featured on an episode of OWN’s “Iyanla Fix My Life.” DMX admitted that he has done drugs most of his life and cheated on his wife numerous times, having 7 children with other women (in addition to theirs).
His oldest child (with his estranged wife) is now a man in search of a healthy relationship with his father. Unfortunately Xavier’s wish was not fulfilled–at least not yet. DMX was unwilling to accept Xavier’s request to get off drugs in order to have a healthy relationship with him. His attitude and speech was (I am paraphrasing)- “You can accept me as I am [an unrecovered addict] or else forget it.” DMX also cursed Iyanla numerous times and walked out on the interview repeatedly. He’s facing a lot of demons, and it was hard to watch.
Posted in Encouragement, health, personal growth, relationships, self-help, slice of life
Tagged addiction, codependency, DMX, drugs, estranged family, Iyanla VanZant
The title of this post comes from friend in my head Chalene Johnson.
“What is my purpose?” and “How do I find God’s will for my life?” are common questions that can begin to be answered when you use your talents to serve others.
Now granted, when it comes to groups, churches, and classes, opportunities for service abound. It’s easy to get discouraged when you see that about 20% of the same people are doing 80% of all the work. That just seems to be the way it is. How do you get started in something without the fear of being burned out?
When dealing with people in your life (whether it’s an acquaintance, your life partner, or a category in between) you must set boundaries. And if you don’t know what your boundaries are, you’ll find out when someone crosses one of them.
Sometimes my daughter wants to play with a neighbor or “friend” so badly that she
forgets their rude behavior makes excuses for their rude behavior. A lesson I have to hammer with her over and over again is that if she continually allows someone to treat her badly, she is telling that person, “It’s ok to mean to me or to disrespect me. I don’t mind. No matter what you say or do to me, I’ll keep coming back to you.” Sound familiar? Whether tacitly or overtly, you give people permission on how to treat you.
It’s similar to raising strong-willed children, one-sided romantic relationships, toxic relationships (including those where where one person enables another), and overcommitting to projects.
Where (or with whom) do you need to set boundaries in your life?
Last weekend, I attended the 2013 Life & Favor Singles Empowerment Conference at the Greater Community COGIC. Pastor Matthew L. Brown opened up with a dynamite message about favor. (I missed a lot by putting my notes on my phone instead of on paper, but I have to share this with you.)
Favor is the traceable, trackable evidence of God’s benefit in your life. God gave you favor from the day you were conceived. You’ve always had it. It’s an attitude of intentional determination.
It’s important for us to live our lives conscious of this and do everything with an attitude of favor. Be IN life, don’t just get THROUGH life. Favor allows you enjoy your journey.
Make sure you give your all because favor is renewed every day. You should die empty. Continue reading
I’m excited to announce that my book What’s Wrong With Me? is available on Kindle for FREE for four days this week (April 8-11, 2013 only) as my first Kindle promotion. My ebook is available in all formats, but when I read about the benefits of KDPSelect for authors, I had to take advantage of it. (Amazon is known to frequently change their policies, and not always in favor of independent authors/publishers).
Don’t own a Kindle device? You can read ebooks on your PC, tablet or phone for free with Kindle software from Amazon. (not an affiliate link)
This Kindle promotion is also being featured on a number of great ebook sites, including:
Bargain ebook Hunter
The eReader Cafe
Kindle Book Promos
The Kindle Book Review Daily Freebie Alert
Will You Help a Sista Out?
Share my work with teen girls (and their parents) you know. Also, if/when you read the book, please post a review. (I don’t shy away from compliments nor constructive criticism!) More reviews help me greatly. Thank you for supporting this blog and my books!
In 2011, my cousin asked me if I would write a book that gives black men a voice in relationships and allow them to speak out, uninterrupted.
Ending the Blame Game is compiled from interviews from of educated black men who are single, divorced or remarried with one thing in common: they have experienced single fatherhood and desire to lead a loving black family, and they want to share their voice. Their stories give women insight into the minds of single black fathers who want to be a part of a cohesive family unit, and just want to tell their side of the story. Who says men don’t want to talk? Whether its infidelity, lack of father figures, child support, divorce, breakdown in communication and overall attitudes about the black male-female dynamic, they’ve got it covered.
In their own voices, each single father featured shares and discusses what they perceive as obstacles to healthy, committed relationships; instilling their own confidence as men; ways that black women can be supportive of them; how to foster better communication; and how to create a nurturing environment for healthy relationships. But that’s not the end-all-be all: at the end of each chapter is an expert’s analysis, tips, and suggestions for solutions.
Special thanks to all of my friends who gave me input on various book cover mock-ups last month. I’ll give you all updates and what to expect over the coming months.
The stress that comes from making decisions can be tremendous. In the past decade I’ve moved several times, (twice to different states), gotten divorced, added new career paths and side hustles, begun homeschooling my child, purchased cars (3 in the past 2 years), succumbed to home foreclosure and filed for bk. You name it, I’ve been through it or close to it.
Credit: Touchdown Space
I continue to struggle with decision making. I’m one of those people who wants to be really sure of things before I do them, and I can’t always trust my gut because sometimes it’s fear doing the talking instead of faith. Even in prayer, I sense uncertainty and do not always have peace, which I usually regard as the “be-all-end-all” indicator of making sound decisions in my life.
Credit: Adventure House Communications Group
I was mesmerized when I saw the Oprah Lifeclass episode where Iyanla VanZant talked about how so many people are stuck in their stories. The elements of your story can be true without you marrying yourself to it or using the story as an excuse to not progress in areas of your life. I hear this all the time as related to what an ex-partner or parent did to someone in the past. Instead of using those painful experiences as teachable lessons and moving on, they remain stuck in them and use them as an excuse to treat others badly, or to not love or not help others.
I like the way that leadership expert Michael Hyatt describes how you can change your story:
- Write down negative affirmations.
- Evaluate whether this affirmation empowers you.
- Write down the truth. Reframe the story.
- Start telling a new story.
In my youth workshop, one of the things I talk about is the power of affirmations. At church I hear this referred to as “confessions.” Whether you write your own positive affirmations or speak God’s Word out loud, you need to get the right thoughts into your spirit so that you will say the right things. Everything we say and do begins with a thought or belief (which may be unconscious).
What are some things you need to get unstuck from?
I have to be true to me so that I don’t have to deal with negativity, anxiety and regret in the aftermath of a situation I should have said “No” to.
It’s all in the way you decline; if I do it respectfully and the other person doesn’t get it, it’s ok. I’m over trying to explain myself to people. If you can’t see my heart or you’re not with it, so be it. In the end, my peace of mind is is more important than “making nice” with folks for the sake of what they might think of me.
Who (or what) do you need to say to in your life?