I read Vanessa Williams’ book You Have No Idea last year, which is a memoir she co-wrote with her mother. It’s kind of unique in that for many stories “Ness” tells, her mother also gives her view of how it went it down–usually in terms of Vanessa’s romantic relationships and the infamous Miss America/Penthouse scandal in 1984. Because I’m just a few months away from my own book on relationships (from the male POV), I thought I’d highlight a few things Ness said in her book, from and about the men she loved the most. Continue reading
Uncomfortable? Get Used to It
“… but that’s the way we’ve always done it.”
“I’m not as good as s/he is.”
“It’s too hard.”
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“I’m not sure I can do this…”
“You want ME to… ????”
Whether you’re in a meeting with others or all by your lonesome, you will hear that voice sooner or later. The voice that doubts you. That second-guesses a great idea. The voice that can kill dreams.
If you listen.
Touching Private Parts
Have you ever been a family gathering and someone told a child to hug someone that they did not want to hug? I’m really sensitive about things like that because I feel like it can open the door for child abuse by teaching children to allow others, especially older children or adults or those “in authority” to touch them when and when it makes them feel uncomfortable. A hug hello or goodbye may be innocent, but what about if the child really doesn’t know or like that person and then it goes further?
When K was really small I taught her that no one should be looking at her touching her private parts *unless we are at the doctors office and I am right next to her the whole time. If something like this happens when I’m not around she knows that is ALWAYS ok for her to come to me and tell me what happened, and that she should tell me right away and I will believe her and I will still love her it is not her fault. I have never been sexually abused, but her father was molested as a child and when he told his family members they would not believe him or address it. I learned from him that the pain from those horrific experiences never goes away 100%. It’s 2013 and people still think they can look at a person and tell whether or not they are a child molester. It also seems that people these days still go around with an attitude like “Oh that doesn’t happen anymore” or “That doesn’t happen to anyone that I know.” Those myths allow pedophilia and sexual assault perpetuate in our society. Continue reading
Service is How You Find Your Calling
The title of this post comes from friend in my head Chalene Johnson.
“What is my purpose?” and “How do I find God’s will for my life?” are common questions that can begin to be answered when you use your talents to serve others.
Now granted, when it comes to groups, churches, and classes, opportunities for service abound. It’s easy to get discouraged when you see that about 20% of the same people are doing 80% of all the work. That just seems to be the way it is. How do you get started in something without the fear of being burned out?
Running for Life
A week ago, I announced my new goal of running a 5K. When I did, I knew absolutely nothing about running, including the Boston Marathon. I simply wanted to prove to myself that I could run. Period.
Shortly before that post, I ran on the treadmill at a 0 incline for just under 30 minutes. It was boring but it wasn’t terribly difficult. Then a few days later, on April 15, 2013, I showed up at the meeting place in the neighborhood for a group run. The Boston Marathon bombing took place just a few hours prior.
Game. Changer.
I decided not to bite off more than I could chew. This group’s route was 3.66 mi, and the weather was sunny, in the 70s. I told the leader and my 9 yo daughter who accompanied me on the run that I would run about 1 1/2 mi and then turn around and come back to home base. (This distance wasn’t random; I did 1.46 mi on the treadmill total a few days before).
Well, it turns out I did 1.46 mi BEFORE I turned around. I didn’t even realize it. I had my phone app recording my progress (I am using Map My Run) and happened to glance at it during a split.
Whoa! Time to turn around and go back up the hill.
Quiet Time: Enjoying Being Alone With You
Do you enjoy your own company?
Credit: Paragon Life
Many married couples make it a point to schedule regular date nights so they can have their own one-on-one time and not lose touch with each other. I think you should also do the same thing with yourself. Continue reading
Putting Up With Bad Behavior
When dealing with people in your life (whether it’s an acquaintance, your life partner, or a category in between) you must set boundaries. And if you don’t know what your boundaries are, you’ll find out when someone crosses one of them.
Sometimes my daughter wants to play with a neighbor or “friend” so badly that she forgets their rude behavior makes excuses for their rude behavior. A lesson I have to hammer with her over and over again is that if she continually allows someone to treat her badly, she is telling that person, “It’s ok to mean to me or to disrespect me. I don’t mind. No matter what you say or do to me, I’ll keep coming back to you.” Sound familiar? Whether tacitly or overtly, you give people permission on how to treat you.
It’s similar to raising strong-willed children, one-sided romantic relationships, toxic relationships (including those where where one person enables another), and overcommitting to projects.
Where (or with whom) do you need to set boundaries in your life?
