This post is a continuation from Part 1, in honor of Unmarried and Single Americans Week. I wrote this last year, but it is previously unpublished. I’ve experienced a relationship since then, and no longer agree with some of the sentiments here, but it’s still good work and may invite your own reflection and introspection. Enjoy.
Holidays are sometimes–but not always–a downer. People enjoy the holidays because they usually get a break from work, and/or they get to hang out and have quality time with family and friends. But sometimes I dread holidays.
Holidays exacerbate the fact that I am alone. Continue reading
In honor of Unmarried and Single Americans Week (Sept. 16-22, 2012), I’d like to talk about a few “singleness” topics this week and share some more of my dating stories and personal musings on singleness.
Source: That Good Hit
I’ve previously discussed my opinion that there’s nothing wrong with being single, but until about two weeks ago, I spent this year being “coupled.” Although my significant other (S.O.) didn’t give me a label to substantiate my role in his life, I can confidently say that we considered each other as S.O.s, and we were exclusive. However, that was a rare abnormality to be part of a couple. I wrote this week’s posts prior to that relationship, from my normal–and current–status as a single, unattached mom. Check out the first installment below, and come back for more tomorrow.
Are You Seeing Anyone?
My girlfriends who are married or in long-term relationships just don’t understand–or they sympathize, but I can tell they don’t wanna hear my stories. My pleas for a listening ear just to vent. They’re having sex on the regular, in love, or both, and they don’t wanna listen to my mess. How dare I rain on their parade!
There are many opinions among singles about who should make the first move: should the man approach a woman first, or is it ok for a woman to express interest first? I believe the answer lies in not WHO, but HOW.
I am very proud of my friend, author and filmmaker Tomeka Winborne, who just released her first short film, “Pass Me By,” about a woman who almost lets a nice guy get away because of her attitude. Check it out and let us know what you think!
Photo Credit: Photodisc
VH-1 is premiering a new show called “Single Ladies” with LisaRaye and Stacey Dash, about a few single women living in Atlanta (think: a Black version of Sex in the City). I think I know a thing or two about that. Instead of getting into the (de)merits of the show (at least from the snippets I saw), I’d like to share some insights from some of my new “motivational speaker” friends about relationships, based on recent events I’ve attended, here in “the City.” (I received a good number of reactions the last time I gave some of my personal insights on the subject), and you may also want to check out one of my humorous personal dating stories.) Continue reading
A friend invited me to attend a WATTS meeting (Women Aspiring Together To Succeed) in Snellville, GA on Valentine’s Eve. The meeting’s theme was “Unraveling the Mysteries of Men & Women in Relationships.” Plenty of men and women attended, and I felt very comfortable and enjoyed myself. In this post, I’m sharing some highlights with you.
Jack A. Daniels, author, coach, and counselor recently relocated to Atlanta, GA from St. Louis, MO. He opened by saying that yes, his name really was Jack Daniels, and then asked us to repeat the following phrase: “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” Simple, yet profound!
Shanel has done it again.
I just had to post some notes from Shanel Cooper-Sykes‘ Ustream on Valentines night (she will post it to her YouTube channel later). She gave “10 Steps to Become a Amazing Woman That Every Man Wants,” and I couldn’t agree more!:
1- Cleanse your past. Write down your past lovers, think about your childhood hurts. Get it out and then get over it. Let go of the baggage.
2- Love thyself. Build a relationship with God. Be still and quiet your life down a little bit. Begin to seek God and you will build yourself and your confidence. Talk to yourself and tell yourself the right things. Use affirmations. Speak life. Explore your likes. Fall in love with yourself before you expect someone else to. Teach people how to love you. Exude love and it will radiate back to you.
3- Confidence. 97 of 100 men she surveyed said that the sexiest thing about a woman was confidence. Lack of confidence comes from not knowing what you can do. So learn what you can do– know yourself.
4- Substance. Get something in your mind– have something to talk about. Educate yourself and know what is going on in the world. Can you have a conversation with a man without talking about sex or something of substance? Get some business. There’s nothing worse than a person that has nothing to do! Travel, expand yourself, do something to grow!
Get some substance.
I met Dr. Alduan Tartt a couple of weeks ago at an event that had a lot going on. We had small talk there, and then it got busy. Later, but a friend invited me to a more “settled” gathering that he hosted. There, he and another psychologist, Pam Thompson, talked to a group of us about relationships. Tartt is the author of The Ring Formula, and together they answered questions about relationships. I just want to highlight a few tidbits from the event.
One of the first things that caught my attention, early in the evening, is when Tartt explained a truth with an analogy: He said that a Rolex costs $10K, and because you know this, you would never expect to go into a store and buy it for $500. But the way some women give themselves away, they are discounting and grossly undervaluing themselves. Do you know your worth? Tartt went on to say that you shouldn’t discount yourself, or worse–discount yourself in the beginning, and then try to raise the price later. He said no man will go for it. I never thought about it that way. Furthermore, he said a man will not respect you being the side chick if that’s how you start off together.
“Why don’t you have a man—what’s wrong with you?”
If I had a buck for every time someone asked me this, I wouldn’t need investments. A close second is, “Do you ever think you’ll get married again?”
I’m a relatively young, attractive, well-educated, and self-sufficient divorced mother, writer, and speaker. Many of my professional and personal contacts are as proud of me as I am of myself. When men interested in me see this, the most common question they ask is, “Why is a woman as (fill in the positive adjective here) as you single?” As if that means there must be something wrong with me, or that something is wrong with being single. There’s so many ways to answer that oft-asked question.
Every day we have opportunities to be offended by something or someone. We can choose whether to react to the offense, or to let it go. I’d like to share my story with you about overcoming offense.
I remember a time when several depressing things occurred in the span of one month. The wage for my contractor position was cut by $20 per day. I had a couple of friends and family members who were supposed to help me do some things with my house or just visit from out of town, and I felt ignored and neglected. Then to top it all off, someone that I dated married a good friend of mine (or so I thought–I was friends with the female before I met the guy). So I had several opportunities in that month to become offended with people.
Posted in Encouragement, personal growth, relationships, spiritual warfare
Tagged dating, depression, disappointments, free, frustration, hope, imagine, letting go, offense, opportunities, proverbs, trust, worry
People have said things to me like, you have everything going for you– a nice house, beautiful daughter, good job, intelligent, pretty, etc…. so why are you single? Why don’t you have a man– what’s wrong with you?
Nothing is wrong with me. God is saving someone for me. Collectively speaking, most of the knuckleheads in my past couldn’t see my true worth, and that is why they are in my past and not my present.