I met Dr. Alduan Tartt a couple of weeks ago at an event that had a lot going on. We had small talk there, and then it got busy. Later, but a friend invited me to a more “settled” gathering that he hosted. There, he and another psychologist, Pam Thompson, talked to a group of us about relationships. Tartt is the author of The Ring Formula, and together they answered questions about relationships. I just want to highlight a few tidbits from the event.
One of the first things that caught my attention, early in the evening, is when Tartt explained a truth with an analogy: He said that a Rolex costs $10K, and because you know this, you would never expect to go into a store and buy it for $500. But the way some women give themselves away, they are discounting and grossly undervaluing themselves. Do you know your worth? Tartt went on to say that you shouldn’t discount yourself, or worse–discount yourself in the beginning, and then try to raise the price later. He said no man will go for it. I never thought about it that way. Furthermore, he said a man will not respect you being the side chick if that’s how you start off together.
Friends don’t hurt friends—or at least the way it should be.
Everyone has a story or two about getting stabbed in the back. What about friends who just suddenly stop all communication with you, and give you no reason? Betrayal and abandonment are hard to forgive and forget. You almost expect it if you’re on the dating scene, but when it comes to friendship, we take it harder.
Dr. Jan Yager’s book, When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal with Friends Who Betray, Abandon or Wound You talks about the realities of friendship gone wrong. How do you deal with toxic friends? Why do some people have a pattern of picking the wrong friends, and end up getting used time after time? How can we choose positive, healthy friendships that enrich our lives, and spot them early on, weeding out the “frenemies” waiting to happen?
According to Dr. Yager, it starts with us. If you don’t respect yourself, you will allow others to treat you badly. For an in-depth look at some highlights offered in this book, chapter by chapter, read on. (Warning: This article is NOT a quick read, but you’ll find a lot of insights.)
Posted in book reviews, personal growth, relationships, work
Tagged betrayal, dating in workplace, ending friendship, interpersonal relationships, jealousy, platonic friendships, therapy, toxic friendship
No new emails? Figures.
I am a technical writer who works at home full-time. I am often forgotten or ignored by subject matter experts (SMEs) when it comes to meetings or getting answers to my emails because I live hundreds of miles away, and colleagues never see me in person.
I have a presentation called “The Invisible Writer.” Some writers come to the presentation thinking I’ll discuss how to get SMEs to pay attention to them and cooperate with them within the office. I know these issues are present when working in the same building as the SMEs too, but I have a different perspective now.
Don’t get me wrong—being “invisible” in the corporate world has its perks. I enjoy wearing comfortable, casual clothing everyday. I can get up and go to my desk without quickly having to wash up, change into clothes, and rush out the door into traffic. (Mind you, I DO wash up and change clothes—I just don’t have to do it before noon if I don’t feel like it.) I don’t get lonely, wishing I had co-workers around me, and I don’t have a lot of distractions at home.
I never heard of technical writing until my third year of college, but I have always loved writing, and English was my best subject in high school. I liked creating short stories, and one year, I passed around a composition notebook so that my friends and I could take turns writing scenes for a fictional soap opera. It was a hit with us!