You’re Single? What’s Wrong With You?

People have said things to me like, you have everything going for you– a nice house, beautiful daughter, good job, intelligent, pretty, etc…. so why are you single? Why don’t you have a man– what’s wrong with you?

Nothing is wrong with me. God is saving someone for me. Collectively speaking, most of the knuckleheads in my past couldn’t see my true worth, and that is why they are in my past and not my present.

I hear complaints from some guys that women (esp. black women) are too demanding, and want too much from them. Well, I don’t know about anybody else, but if common courtesy, respect, and integrity are too much to ask, then I’ll pass. Only one person I’ve ever dated has made as much money as me, and I still gave these brothers a chance. I was the breadwinner in my marriage, and I am willing to look past the financial discrepancies if a man’s other characteristics add up.

But I’m not going to settle anymore. Every time I give the benefit of the doubt and settle for less than the best, I regret it. Some people say, Oh cherish each situation as learning experience. Not! I wish I had let some of this stuff pass me by. The flip side is being willing to walk away when you know something isn’t right about a person. I didn’t do that, and now I’m divorced. Time after time thereafter, I didn’t do that, and here I am.

I feel like I give more than I get.  I can take some of the blame in the past, because sometimes I gave too much too soon, in many areas. I am so happy to have company sometimes that I go all out 🙂 , but in a good way. Yes, I have personality traits that include being moody, task-oriented (focused) and impatient (some situations), but I’m not that bad. I’m very loyal as a friend or more than friend, and I am willing to do things to go the extra mile that your average friend is not. I’m selfish as far as being my own advocate, esp. when I think I’m right about something, but I am willing to share things materialistically and emotionally speaking, and not be selfish in those areas.

I don’t apologize for wanting someone to keep their word, treat me the way they want to be treated, and apologize if they offend me (intentionally or not). Those things are not exclusive to either gender. Those are universal principles that should be upheld, and I will not settle for romantic or platonic relationships without those elements. If we can’t trust, respect, and have basic love for each other, what is the point? I forgive you but I’m not going to be a fool or let myself be taken advantage of. Look at Jesus– did He ever act a fool or let others get over on Him? Negative. I’d rather be alone with just God and know I’ll be taken care of than always getting my feelings hurt by people who really don’t care about me.

It starts with loving yourself. God loved us first, and He created us to be needy– there is longing for Him inside everyone, and you can’t suppress it with sex, drugs, a career, children, hobbies, or anything else.

So the next time someone asks you, “Why are you single?” or implies that someone must be wrong with you,  just stop and think about all that is RIGHT with you.  Then you keep doing you, while I do me.

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