You Can’t Talk to Men Like You Talk to Your Girls

A friend invited me to attend a WATTS meeting (Women Aspiring Together To Succeed) in Snellville, GA on Valentine’s Eve.  The meeting’s theme was “Unraveling the Mysteries of Men & Women in Relationships.” Plenty of men and women attended, and I felt very comfortable and enjoyed myself. In this post, I’m sharing some highlights with you.

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Jack A. Daniels, author, coach, and counselor recently relocated to Atlanta, GA from St. Louis, MO. He opened by saying that yes, his name really was Jack Daniels, and then asked us to repeat the following phrase: “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” Simple, yet profound!

Healing 100 Hearts in 100 Days Challenge is a program soon to be aired as a reality show with Tommy Ford (of the 90’s sitcom Martin).  It’s a community & social initiative helping women regain control, rebuild confidence & create new visions for being healthy, happy and whole.

Daniels noted that women speak about 30,000 words a day, but men only speak about 1/2 as much (at most) per day. You can get a man to talk the most during activities.

Be careful about interchanging the words “think” and “feel”–they are not the same. Often, people say, “I feel…” when they mean “I think…” Ask a man what he thinks about something first, rather than how he feels about something.

Before you date a man exclusively, take note of three things:

  1. Trash– Does he have any baggage?
  2. Treasure– What does he value?
  3. Track Record– Does he show consistency, accountability, and integrity?

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Dr. Torri “Love” Griffin, LPC is an author, love doctor, coach. She runs the “Lisense 2 Date” program, which teaches singles of all ages to use common SENSE to remove NONSENSE so their relationships make SENSE. (I like that!)

In relationships, Dr, Griffin said three things are absolutely critical:

  1. Communication
  2. Compromise
  3. Sacrifice

Men need women to:

  • Respect them (men need respect and women need love– Biblical reference in Ephesians 5)
  • Admire them
  • Appreciate them, and
  • Reward them

If you become too independent (self-sufficient), you won’t be interdependent. Allow a man to do something for you–otherwise he may feel like he’s not needed.

Use fewer words with men; tell them what you want them to do, and nix the excessive description, commentary, and guessing games. If you don’t need to him fix anything, and you just want him to listen, tell him so at the beginning of your talk. If you want him to empathize with your feelings, relate it to something he has felt before. He needs his feelings to know how you feel.

If a man asks you what is wrong, don’t say “Nothing.” Don’t make men guess. Tell him exactly what the problem is and give him your desired solution (i.e., what do you want him to do differently). Attitude not needed.

Ask permission before trying to launch into a deep conversation with a man. Is it the right time? Pause and wait for an answer, especially if you are interrupting his activity.

 

 

I separated the notes by speaker, but they used a “tag-team” approach during the meeting. Most of this advice was geared to women, and the men present were not shy about giving their input! Do you have anything to add? Dr. Griffin mentioned that she could go on for hours on the subject, but both she and Daniels have many events coming up. If you’re in the Atlanta area, check them out!

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