The Tell-Tale Signs of a Control Freak

Source: Blend Images

When I was 17, I did what people told me…

Did what my father said, and let my mother mold me…

– Janet Jackson, “Control” (1986)

There’s a difference between being in control, having self-control, and HAVING to be in control. This post contains just a portion of my notes from Pastor Creflo A. Dollar’s sermon at the Radical Redefined women’s conference on March 25, 2011 at World Changers Church International.

We ALL Need Relationships

These days the enemy is attacking women like never before. We all need relationships in order to grow, but Satan uses all kinds of factions to destroy the family and each other.
“[Severely] independent women say, ‘I don’t need no man.’ And not a lot of men will admit this, but we need women–maybe some of just haven’t found the right one yet. But I [Creflo] will tell you, I need a woman. I need THAT woman [pointing at his wife Taffi]! I wouldn’t be where I am today without my woman. God gave me that woman because I needed her. I was selfish and had all kinds of issues, but God gave me my wife to help deliver me from that.”

Remaining single is OK, but you cannot grow and develop without having relationships with people. You can’t just cut everybody off. Respect relationships and bring something to them; i.e., GIVE advantage, don’t take advantage. You cannot grow and develop without having a relationship (courtship or friendship) with another human being.

Young Women Need Mentors

As I mentioned previously, there seems to be a lack of care in our communities.

We have to get back to holy living. Older women are not mentoring the younger ones anymore. Older, wiser women should be willing to teach the younger ones how to behave and carry themselves like ladies. For example, take dressing modestly vs. risque: in a man’s mind, when he sees you with all your skin out, cleavage and all that, he’s thinking that whatever you’re willing to show, you’re willing to share.

Bid the older women similarly to be reverent and devout in their deportment as becomes those engaged in sacred service, not slanderers or slaves to drink. They are to give good counsel and be teachers of what is right and noble,So that they will wisely train the young women to be [a]sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children,To be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited).” – Titus 2:3-5 (AMP) [Emphasis mine]

v. 5 – ADAPT– Don’t murmur and complain when circumstances change for the worse. Untrained women bring reproach and discredit the Word of God because you’re yielding to how the world says you should act.

You’re going to be married to something no matter what. You can be married to another person or married to Jesus, or married to the world. But you will marry something.  If you are single, you are married to God, and [if you want to get married, you’re also] a bride in preparation.

Who’s In Control?

“Got my own mind
I wanna make my own decisions
When it has to do with my life
I wanna be the one in control”

– Janet Jackson, “Control” (1986)

When you can’t control your own emotions, you look to control someone else’s. Dr. Dollar left us with some tips to be wary of A) whether we as women have a controlling spirit, and B) whether someone else may be trying to control us.

8 Signs that Promote a Jezebel Spirit

    Source: Digital Vision

(i.e.,  an atmosphere that opens the door for a controlling spirit to enter)

  1. An overly powerful woman married to a weak man who is irresponsible–“unleader”-like (for example, see the story of Jezebel and Ahab in the Bible– 1 Kings 21).
  2. Someone who’s always trying to gain access to the headship, ignoring protocol.
  3. Person who uses words of flattery too much, to gain access (they’re “ego-scratchers”). [I’ve heard this referred to as butt-kissing but you get the drift.]
  4. Sexual and sensual in their actions, as a way to manipulate or try to “get over” on someone.
  5. Very flirtatious–they have an agenda.
  6. Agree to your face, but question it behind your back.
  7. Marital issues.
  8. Likes to show off her physical features for attention.

8 Ways to Recognize a Controlling Spirit

    8 Ways to Recognize a Controlling Spirit

God has given us authority and dominion over everything except people. Here are some signs to recognize a person who is a control freak:

  1. They focus on themselves– it’s all about them.
  2. They continually remind people of their authority and who’s in charge. (If you’re really top dog, everyone will know it without it being beat over their heads.)
  3. If you mention a problem, you become the problem (they mask their own weaknesses by pointing fingers).
  4. They are constantly taking a loyalty test from you, demanding to know whether you are loyal to them (often with threats or repercussions).
  5. They use secrecy, surprises and suspense to create chaos and confusion. They have no honesty or transparency. (Note that people hide things and behaviors that are inappropriate.)
  6. They teach unbalanced doctrines that go against the Word of God (the spirit of manipulation).
  7. They run from and fight any source of correction, watering down lies to become the truth.
  8. They insist on being promoted and question why you haven’t discerned that they are supposed to lead. (They want authority for their own agenda.)

Check out more of my notes from the Radical Redefined conference by searching Twitter with the hashtag #radicalredefined, and check out my videos about the morning sessions on Day 1 and Day 3 (my YouTube ID is “daree76” if you would like to subscribe).

5 thoughts on “The Tell-Tale Signs of a Control Freak

  1. This message came on tv this morning and I missed some. So glad that I found your blog entry! Thanks for sharing.

  2. Love your summary. I felt like I was there.
    I will be sharing this great info with others and apply to my own life. We do need to mentor each other. Thanks for sharing:)

    1. Thanks– please do! The mentoring piece is one of the foundations for writing my book–I didn’t have a mentor when I was coming up, and these girls out here are killing me!

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