I met the author of Healed Without Scars last week. Carlos Phillips and his wife met Desi* and I last week at an IHOP near Fort Worth, TX. Together, the four of us discussed how men deal with relationships, what happens when they divorce, and how they can regroup, heal with God’s help, and bring their families back together.
Carlos gave me a copy of his book which I read on the plane ride home to Atlanta. With his blessing I am sharing my thoughts on some of the points in his book, in the hopes that you can glean from insight from his story of divorce and remarriage after he healed without any trace of brokenness. Carlos spent 7 years being a single father to two sons before he met his new wife in 2006. They married one year later, to the day!
Healed Without Scars reads as a frank testimony to some of the situations Carlos found himself in, and the lessons he learned about himself. I think many men will identify with it. (Even I, as a divorced woman, can see many of the point he makes in my own experience.) This book is not just for divorced men; it will benefit any man who is looking for a healthy, long-term relationship. It gives insight and hope, and it makes you think about your role in your relationships.
Some of the points from the book that I want to touch on, without giving two much away:
- From a Biblical and spiritual perspective, when you marry someone, the two of you become “one flesh.” The pain of divorce is largely due to the two being ripped apart–one whole is torn into two halves.
- Whatever age your children are when you divorce is the age where they will remain emotionally until/unless they can heal and move on from the effects of the divorce. The voice of a child’s father is the most powerful voice in their lives. Let them know that they are not at fault, and don’t bring new dates around your children too soon.
- Commit to not dating anyone for 2 years after the divorce–you need time to heal. And healing can come in great doses through a lifestyle of prayer and worship. Forgiveness is also essential in order to move on from the hurts of the past.
- Take time to understand WHY you got married in the first place. Was it for lust? Financial security? Insecurity? Counseling can help a lot in this area because it can help uncover issues that were present in your life long before you met your ex.
- Do you know how to be friends with the opposite sex?
Props, Smoke and Mirrors
Carlos is starting a series of weekly advice tips for men called “Props, Smoke and Mirrors” next week on the Healed Without Scars Ministries Facebook page. These weekly tips will help current husbands and future husbands identify seductive illusions, avoid temptation and stay faithful to their wives.
Hopefully what I’ve done here is whet your appetite for the wealth of wisdom in the book, Healed Without Scars.