What Do Women Want From Us?: A Man’s Plea

The following is a post from a friend who I’ll call “Tim.” I’m not going to give anymore of a setup than that. I can see his side of things, and although I am not one of these women he describes, I know some, and unfortunately, so does he. :S   Anyway, let me know what you think.

I was brought up to value the special place women had in the family.  They were daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and more.  They were blessed with being the very first love of children and keepers of the home.  Women, from my perspective, kept the family on track.  Even women that weren’t married carried themselves in such a way as to demand a certain level of respect, just because they were a woman.  Even if you didn’t like a particular woman, you respected her as such and always wanted to be respectful.

The Problem Is…

Sadly, it seems that somewhere along the line, women decided that being a woman was a dirty word.  Women decided that they needed to feel equal to a man.  I’m not talking about simply wanting to be paid the same wages for performing the same work; I’m talking about actually taking on some of the same traits, mannerisms, and even nasty attitudes.  Women got busy going to school, getting jobs, and putting off marriage and family.  All of a sudden, it was more important to be an equal and not need a man for anything than it was to actually value who you were; a woman.

Is there any wonder why men struggle with understanding modern women?  On one hand, they want all the traditional courtesies and considerations given a women of generations past, while on the other thinking it okay to roll their eyes at their man because he asked for a glass of water.  I mean, “Why can’t he just get up and get his own glass of water?”

Credit: Lifesize

It seems that today’s man has to spend a lot of time sparring with women instead of loving them.  Is that supposed to inspire love and affection, or does the modern woman even need those things anymore.  After all, she has her on money, her own house, her own career, and if she happened to have a baby along the way, she even has a courthouse full of people eager to make sure she gets paid for being a mom… oh, I forgot, that money is for the kid.

I’ve never seen such arrogance as I do with today’s women.  What really makes it worse is to see them online talking about how there aren’t any good men, how men are scared of a “strong woman”, and how men are just dogs who only want sex.  These women actually want to play the “victim-card” like they don’t play any part in their dilemma.

Case in Point

I don’t have a problem with ‘Strong Women’, I have a problem with women who’ve traded in everything that made them special in order to be something they aren’t.

Here’s an example….

Think back over the last few times you’ve heard a mother talk about having children… okay, you got it?

Now think about what she was saying.  Was she reflecting on the incredible bond she has with her children?  Was she talking about how, despite the pain, she wouldn’t trade it for the world.  Was she talking about how blessed she felt to bring life into the world? Okay, hold that thought….

On the other hand, was she talking about how she should have special privileges because of her “pain and suffering” during pregnancy?  Was she talking about men just don’t understand what she went through?  Was she using it as an example of how ‘strong’ she was?

My experience is definitely more in the latter example.  In fact, I hear women talking like that all the time, as if they need a medal pinned on them for having a child instead of reveling in the honor.  Sure it was painful, but most things truly worth having are that way, right?

What’s Your Role?

I’m of the mind that says today’s woman has no idea what she wants.  On the one hand she wants to be tough-as-nails, but expects a man to see her as a delicate flower.  Today’s woman wants to be equal even in ways she does not have the physical capacity to be equal.  Today’s woman wants to talk like a sailor, smoke like a chimney, and fight like a wild dog, all while thinking some man is going to see her as a comforting partner.

Credit: Image Source

Let’s be brutally honest, men aren’t afraid of women.  We’re afraid of women who don’t value who they are and what they offer.  We’re afraid of women with emotional holes in them because of what they’ve traded in order to be like a man.

There used to be a saying that said “Behind every great man there’s a great woman.”  If you ask most women, they would whole-heartedly agree with the statement.  I wonder how people would fill in the statement if it read “Behind every failed man is a __________ woman?”  Would today’s woman be as eager to assume responsibility for a man’s failure as she would for his success?  Some women point to a successful man and talk about how they “trained them well”, but where are those women that would admit they are the reason a man never became anything?  I’m just asking.

Of note to me is the fact that I see credit given to mothers when people succeed and credit given to fathers when people fail.  Why is that?  Where are those mothers that told their kids they wouldn’t amount to anything because their father wasn’t bout nothing anything?  Where are those mothers like the one in the movie “Precious” that hold their children back because of their own dependencies and problems?”

Does all this mean that women are bad?  Absolutely NOT!

So Where Do We Go From Here?

As any therapist would tell people that come to counseling, they both have to be willing to accept some responsibility for the relationship.  When it comes to relationships between men and women, the same holds true.  Men aren’t perfect and we understand that women aren’t perfect either.  The sooner we can come to a place where it’s okay to be open and vulnerable, we can’t move forward.  The real tragedy in that is that our failure to change would only mean this fruitless war between us continues.  Worse still is the fact that this war has no winners; only losers.


2 thoughts on “What Do Women Want From Us?: A Man’s Plea

  1. Thought-provoking piece – thank you. I’ve been thinking about this issue for a while now… Having been brought up by a career-driven mother, I was always told to “be strong”, “study something worthwhile so you’ll never be dependent on a man”, etc.
    I had no problem with this, but recently, having found a man who loves me and the courage to start pursuing my (true, womanly) passions, I can’t help but agree with you – women should never be denied a chance to follow their dreams and be equal earners. That said, it is a shame for so many women to alienate those very things that make us different, make us women.

    1. Agreed. Sometimes we are strong because we have to be, but knowing when to soften up or fall back is also important. Personally I’d like being able to defer to a man for some things and not always have to worry about every detail. Thanks for reading.

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