The Bait and Switch: Committed Life Partner to Fair-weather Friend

Credit: Photodisc

Did you watch the “Kardashian Event” earlier this month?  Celebutante Kim Kardashian got married for the second time to 26-year-old NBA baller Kris Humphries, and for most of the 4-hour glimpse into their wedding planning, Kim and Kris (her mother) made lots of decisions about the wedding with Kris’ (the fiance’s) thoughts and opinions about logistics (everything from the registry to Kim’s last name) as an afterthought.

It was this “event” that I thought of–wedding planning–when a married male friend of mine lamented about how many women do not consider involving their spouse in their daily activities of life post-wedding either. What follows is a guest post he penned. Single ladies, consider this as #foodforthought.


Life is good…..we start our life together, the rings are shiny, the weekend get-a-ways are fantastic, and there’s plenty of money in the bank.  Things are looking good and I’m ‘da man.

Unfortunately, like millions of other men out there, I’ve found that life can definitely throw some curve-balls that keep you guessing what’s next.  This shouldn’t be something that brings me down, but what happens when the person I’ve joined in covenant with turns out to be a fair-weather friend?

“For better or for worse” turned out to only apply to her.

“In sickness and in health” turned out to only apply to her.

“For richer, for poorer” turned out to only apply to her.

I mean, do these vows actually commit BOTH parties to something, or is it simply a procedure used to rope a man into something that can, and will, be used against him at a date yet to be determined?

I watched a movie a while back called “Not Easily Broken” [starring Morris Chestnut] and I honestly felt that someone had secretly observed my life and made a movie about it.  I don’t mind if that’s what happened; I just wish they had thought to break me off a few dollars for doing so. I’m not going to spoil the film, but I’d suggest you watch it and see if you can relate or connect with the story.

I asked my wife to watch the movie and she totally missed the point. Instead of connecting with the view I’ve been trying to get across to her for years, she could only think to ask if I was wanting her to watch the movie in an effort to confess something I’d done wrong. (When you watch the movie, you’ll understand what I mean.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to portray myself as a saint, but I don’t think it should be so much work to love the one you’re with.

Perhaps they should revise the vows to read something like this:

I, (name), take you (name), to be my lawful (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, with job and without, when I have a headache and when you don’t, in sickness and in health, to love, pleasure, and cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.  I further agree and acknowledge that I, and I, alone and responsible for everything that comes out of my mouth (good AND bad).

Okay, I meant that to read easily, but you get the point.  There has to be more to this marriage thing that what’s convenient for one party (men OR women).

Working to have a good marriage is NOT the same as trying not to have a bad one.


QUESTION: What do you think your wedding plans say about your relationship and your future marriage?