Warring Against the Odds

What follows is a guest post from a man who is playing a tug of war in his relationship with his firstborn daughter, which is being threatened by her mother. If you can relate, please feel free to comment.

As a non-custodial parent, I can attest to the battle that rages every day in courtrooms and living rooms around this country over issues of child support, child custody, and more.  These private wars take on a life of their own when you add in lawyers, judges, counselors, evaluators, case handlers, etc.; all people will little to no interest in the actual outcome of the decisions they make or the lives they affect.

Source: Ontario Family Law Blog
Source: Ontario Family Law Blog

I don’t like having third parties involved in matters affecting my child, but there’s something I dislike even more.  That’s coming to the realization that my child’s mother has been mentally poisoning my child to believe that she is a victim of some kind and that daddy hates mommy.  I was shocked when I realized that matters handled at the courthouse were being discussed and shared openly with this child.

When asked why she would be sharing this with a pre-teen, the mother’s response was “well, she deserves to know what’s going on with her.  Since this affects her, she has a right to know.”  Really?  I don’t think so.

I realized why it always seemed that my daughter had a great relationship with me when we were together, but a sour one when she was back with her mother.  Granted, I’m not great at long-distance relationships, even with a kid.  However, when you have an adult on the other side creating a scenario in the child’s mind that says “Daddy hates mommy, Daddy mad at mommy, Daddy doesn’t love me” you have a problem.

When asked if she thought she’d ever want to come live with here with me, her dad, her immediate replay what “That would be nice, but my mommy would be all by herself”.  It’s normal for kids to care about their parent, but when the kids sees the parent as some sort of helpless victim that played no role in their situation or condition, it’s just wrong.

I’m not saying guys don’t have their faults, because we certainly do.  What I am saying is that mothers play an important role in their child’s life and there is no greater role than that of being a ‘PARENT’; not a friend, buddy, pal, or BFF.  If you can’t say anything nice about the other parent, keep your mouth shut.  After all, the child can’t separate the fact that the other person is a part of who they are.  So, when you put the other parent down, you inadvertently put down a part of the child.

If you’re a parent with custody of your child, protect them and cherish them.  Don’t use them for your own personal security.  The check will eventually end, the insurance will eventually go away, and the child will eventually grow up.  When that happens, I hope you look back and find yourself a better person, not a bitter one.  I hope and pray the child grows up knowing that they were loved by everyone in their life; regardless of where they were.