Have you ever been a family gathering and someone told a child to hug someone that they did not want to hug? I’m really sensitive about things like that because I feel like it can open the door for child abuse by teaching children to allow others, especially older children or adults or those “in authority” to touch them when and when it makes them feel uncomfortable. A hug hello or goodbye may be innocent, but what about if the child really doesn’t know or like that person and then it goes further?
When K was really small I taught her that no one should be looking at her touching her private parts *unless we are at the doctors office and I am right next to her the whole time. If something like this happens when I’m not around she knows that is ALWAYS ok for her to come to me and tell me what happened, and that she should tell me right away and I will believe her and I will still love her it is not her fault. I have never been sexually abused, but her father was molested as a child and when he told his family members they would not believe him or address it. I learned from him that the pain from those horrific experiences never goes away 100%. It’s 2013 and people still think they can look at a person and tell whether or not they are a child molester. It also seems that people these days still go around with an attitude like “Oh that doesn’t happen anymore” or “That doesn’t happen to anyone that I know.” Those myths allow pedophilia and sexual assault perpetuate in our society. Continue reading “Touching Private Parts”→
I am the single mother of a 9-year-old, through divorce, who never wanted to be a single parent or divorced. If you asked me as a teen or in my 20s, I’d tell you that I would NEVER have children.
As I wrote in my journal as a girl, I didn’t want to pass on/expose the negativity I felt in my life to another generation. I had different ideas of motherhood then, and couldn’t imagine what my friends who were teen moms were dealing with physically, emotionally, or mentally.
I don’t know where it comes from, but there’s a strong sentiment that something is wrong with a woman who doesn’t bear children by a certain age–or ever. Well-meaning and nosy parents and grandparents, friends and even acquaintances regularly weigh in on when a couple should have their first or subsequent children.
I know a lot of people with my situational status who find love again and start a new family, even though their present children may be in high school or college, but I don’t want to start over. Honestly, the primary reason that I consented to pregnancy and parenting is because my then-husband desperately wanted to actively raise a child of his own. We mutually agreed that I stop taking my (very effective) birth control and I got pregnant the following year. My main reasoning then–in my early 20s–was, “A wife is supposed to have children [if her husband wants them].”
I love seeing the First Lady on the cover of ESSENCE magazine’s October 2011 issue, but the cover conceals its best feature story: “Our Teens’ Secret Sex Lives” by Jeannine Amber. It’s my strong opinion that the complex emotions and consequences result from teen sex are not discussed enough–not among parents, in church, and not in mainstream society. I think Amber did an excellent job of covering various points of view in her article, and I’ll highlight a few things here.
Amber’s first statistic cites the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy: 1 in 2 Black girls will get pregnant before age 20. She also cites another study from the Centers for Disease Control–the same stats I describe in my book. But what I really like about this article is its call to parents to acknowledge teens sexual curiosity and behavior and talk to them openly and honestly about the facts and pressures they face. Continue reading “Don’t Keep it on the Hush: Talk to Your Teen About Sex”→
I ask this question to people all the time, and the answers are as diverse as the personalities of their exes. Some say that they are not friends with any of their exes, some say the opposite. A “lucky” few don’t have any exes because they married their high school sweethearts.
Prior to the teaching I heard the other day, I’d say I’m friends with almost all of mine–but that’s about to change.
Last Saturday I attended a program at my church entitled “He Said, She Said.” Our pastor taught the men, while the ladies listened to Minister Patricia Gregory (“Min. Trish”).
The Suspect Friend Request
It’s an all-too-familiar scenario: Min. Trish joined Facebook, and before too long, started receiving friend requests from ex-boyfriends. Can you relate? For some of us, it’s a dilemma whether to add an ex into our “fb fam.” What do they want? Is there an ulterior motive? Before I got hip to configuring my privacy settings on fb, I had a few people tell me that they looked “all up and through” my photos before even sending a friend request (in my opinion, privacy settings may be prudent, but are not the solution).
Min. Trish noted that the word boyfriend is never mentioned in the Bible. Young women were betrothed to be married back in those days because their parents were friends or partners with a man’s parents, and voila. To my knowledge, there wasn’t much in the way of dating or courting. But now we have choices, and oh, what a variety of results those choices can bring. Continue reading “The Ex-Boyfriend”→
I just had to post some notes from Shanel Cooper-Sykes‘ Ustream on Valentines night (she will post it to her YouTube channel later). She gave “10 Steps to Become a Amazing Woman That Every Man Wants,” and I couldn’t agree more!:
1- Cleanse your past. Write down your past lovers, think about your childhood hurts. Get it out and then get over it. Let go of the baggage.
2- Love thyself. Build a relationship with God. Be still and quiet your life down a little bit. Begin to seek God and you will build yourself and your confidence. Talk to yourself and tell yourself the right things. Use affirmations. Speak life. Explore your likes. Fall in love with yourself before you expect someone else to. Teach people how to love you. Exude love and it will radiate back to you.
3- Confidence. 97 of 100 men she surveyed said that the sexiest thing about a woman was confidence. Lack of confidence comes from not knowing what you can do. So learn what you can do– know yourself.
4- Substance. Get something in your mind– have something to talk about. Educate yourself and know what is going on in the world. Can you have a conversation with a man without talking about sex or something of substance? Get some business. There’s nothing worse than a person that has nothing to do! Travel, expand yourself, do something to grow!
Get some substance.
For Valentine’s Day, I got some chocolate–maybe not the kind I wanted… just kidding. My sister always hooks me up with chocolate and/or flowers. She has a sweet side to her and I can feel the love. 🙂
I went to a couple of “Cupid is Stupid” events this past weekend, but on the real, I’m pretty content with being single these days. I hope you don’t feel left out of the V-Day hoopla if you’re single. It’s all good baby!
I just started a channel on YouTube, and in the video below I talk about singleness, whether another person can really “complete” you, and dealing with feelings of discontentment and heartbreak. I’m surprised by how much I said since I had a little tiny note in front of me (I had to make a “Part 2”!). Anyhoo, if you like the content, subscribe to my YouTube channel (and this blog via RSS or email (look to the right for signup)! Thanks.