Accepting the Apology You Never Got

Sometimes it’s hard to say “I was wrong” or “I need help.” Why? Because saying either of these phrases requires humility.

Pride is an ingredient in every quarrel. It stirs up conflict and divides people. Humility, by contrast, heals.

Guard against pride. If you find yourself constantly arguing, examine your life for pride. Be open to the advice of others, ask for help when you need it, and be willing to admit your mistakes.


Check out a new episode of the podcast, where we cover…

• How to recognize the language of apology you expect and respond to best
• How to effectively confront someone who has offended you
• How to recognize when you have not done your own work
• How to let go and move on after the offense, even if the offender does not apologize


Ready to listen to this episode of Kickin’ It with Daree?


5 Languages of Apology–What’s Yours?

Credit: CITB

Dr. Gary Chapman is the author of several books, including The Five Love Languages and The Five Languages of Apology.

I sought this book after my latest breakup where I got a text saying “You didn’t deserve that last night. I’m sorry but you…” Once I saw that, I immediately tuned out because to me, that message was worded as if he was justified for hurting me the way he did. Either you’re truly sorry or you’re not. I got over it and we briefly resumed our relationship, but sometimes you have to let bygones be bygones… and then BE GONE.

The five languages of apology described in the book are:

1. Expressing regret: If the person you’ve hurt has this language, they want to know “Do you understand how deeply your behavior has hurt me?” You need to say you are sorry and what specifically you are sorry for.
2. Accepting responsibility: If the person you apologize to has this apology language, they want you to accept responsibility for what you did or said and acknowledge that it was wrong.
3. Making restitution: If someone has this apology language, what they really want to know is “do you still love me?” Your behavior seemed so unloving to them that they wonder how you could love them and do what you did.
4. Genuinely expressing the desire to change your behavior: When this is someone’s apology language, if your apology does not include a desire to change your behavior, you have not truly apologized. Whatever else you say, they do not see it as being sincere.
5. Requesting forgiveness: If you offend someone who has this apology language, the words “will you please forgive me?” are the words they want to hear.  Requesting forgiveness is the way to touch their heart and is the way that feels sincere to them.

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